Campaign – Chapter 12
Campaign manager Katrina “Kate” Kindling is striving against all odds to get Senator Marcia Brute into the White House.
Chapter Twelve – Broadcast
“Hello & welcome to The Straight Poop with Derrick Derrickson. I’m Derrick Derrickson. Tonight on the show we’re discussing what the liberal media have dubbed ‘Jewgate’. With me tonight is Flowers ’16 social media coordinator Emily Foxxx. Emily, thanks for joining me.”
Emily leans forward in a pushup bra and an absolutely absurdly tight dress and bats her eyelashes at Derrick. “Thank you for having me.”
“Uhh,” Derrick’s eyes quickly dart down to his note cards. “Now your boss, Republican Presidential nominee Tony Flowers, recently tweeted out a picture of Sen. Marcia Brute with what appeared to be a six-pointed star pinned to her lapel that read ‘Most Corrupt Presidential Candidate In US History’.”
“A poll your network ran,” Emily adds.
“Look, there’s no question Sen. Brute is the most corrupt politician in the history of the United States and her ascent to the White House would surely bring about Armageddon; but is this sort of ‘dirty campaigning’ on your part the right way to go about bringing her down?”
“I don’t see anything dirty about reporting a poll result.” Emily sips her water and spills some down her cleavage, lightly dabbing at it with a kerchief as Derrick loudly swallows.
“Erm, now along with the six-pointed star, the background of the photo was piles of cash.”
“Marcia Brute has large coffers and a lot of mysterious wealthy benefactors. None of this is a secret.”
“And it also appears that Sen. Brute’s nose had been elongated through the use of photoshop.”
“Derrick, I can’t help it if Marcia Brute isn’t as photogenic as someone like you.” Emily’s hand slips below the desk and caresses Derrick’s thigh, causing him to emit a noise that sounds like an alarmed goose. “You know, Derrick, you’ve been exhibiting some real liberal leanings ever since you got engaged to Marcia Brute’s campaign manager, Katrina Kindling.”
Derrick nervously clears his throat. “Well, I don’t think we need to bring personal relationships into this discussion; especially since you were recently seen on a date with your boss, campaign manager Alfred Luntz.”
Emily looks directly at the camera and painfully feigns a forced smile.
In his dingy apartment, Emily’s boyfriend and Flowers campaign speechwriter Roscoe Jones drops his Hot Pocket on the filthy carpet.
Derrick tosses a few notecards aside and turns to the camera himself. “Well I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for Ms. Foxxx. Up next. American Values Association president Donald O’Brien joins me to discuss some of the problems facing our nation and his ‘Final Solution’. That’s next on The Straight Poop.”
Kate, watching at home, quickly dials her ex-husband, Alf Luntz. “Did you see that?”
“Kate, what. It’s late.”
“Your girlfriend is fucking my fiancee.”
Alf lays back in bed, puts a hand behind his head and stares at the ceiling. “Does that mean I don’t have to get you guys a wedding gift?”
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