Kicky the Football’s Football Is Fun! – Conference Championships
Well howdy there kids, it’s me! Kicky the Football! I’ve been prodded and handled all week by Commissioner Roger Goodell to make sure I’m the proper weight and inflation. I didn’t know a man could fit an entire American football in his asshole!
We’ve arrived at the final four. The four best teams in the NFL. Kicky predicts a Cam Newton/Tom Brady Super Bowl. But Kicky’s got a losing record on the season and some serious gambling debts to some unhappy Armenians! Hope Kicky lives to see another week! Let it ride, double or nothing, Grigor!
This week’s football term is the 4-4-4 Defense, a term coined by John Madden for an illegal formation. Too many men on the field! In the heat of the moment in a high stakes situation in front of an audience of millions, a mistake is entirely understandable. But if there’s a twelfth man on the field, they should still be punished. Sternly and firmly punished. Kicky suggests a public spanking! Look for the Broncos or Cardinals to have a late-game illegal formation that loses them the game and possibly leads the guilty party to an off-season attempted suicide. Kicky says sometimes there’s only one way out, kids!
Until next week, remember to spread your gambling losses out amongst many brokers so as not to pile up a substantial glaring debt to the Armenian mob. Kicky might have to fake his own death! Again! And also remember, kids: Football is fun!
Patriots (-3) over Broncos
Cardinals (+3) over Panthers
Last Week: 1-2-1
Best Week: 11-3-2 (Week 15)
Season: 124-128-12 (.492)
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