Commissioner Roger Goodell’s Gambling Is Illegal – Week 1
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell would like to remind you that gambling is illegal.
Commissioner Roger Goodell would like to state once and for all that Commissioner Roger Goodell and the National Football League front office had absolutely nothing to do nor no connection to the recent Deflategate & Spygate controversies swirling around the New England Patriots professional football franchise.
If any cheating of any kind was perpetrated by the Patriots, Commissioner Roger Goodell & the National Football League front office had no involvement in its perpetration or the subsequent cover-up of said perpetration. Anything to the contrary is simply a smokescreen and also quite possibly malarkey.
Other events and incidents that Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots franchise may have had a hand in that Commissioner Roger Goodell and the National Football League front office are in no way connected to: Watergate; 9/11; the Holocaust; Benghazi; the Iraq War; the Afghanistan War; the Vietnam War; the movie Grown Ups; the movie Grown Ups 2; crib death; police brutality; 9/11 2 (2017); Pearl Harbor; the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire; your childhood dog’s death; The Big Bang Theory (TV show); The Big Bang Theory (origin of universe/disproval of God); selfie sticks; millennials; Commissioner Roger Goodell’s recent failures to give his wife an orgasm; that crazy rumor that Commissioner Roger Goodell is actually a cyborg; that clearly photoshopped videotape of Commissioner Roger Goodell eating a bowl of metal nuts and bolts for breakfast with a spoon; humanity; the coming Robo-Wars; and the premature deaths of any professional football players from this day forward.
Commissioner Roger Goodell would like to wish you a happy football day and reiterate one last time: the National Football League front office and the Commissioner’s office are completely innocent of anything and everything ever.
Steelers (+7) over Patriots
Packers (-7) over Bears
Texans (E) over Chiefs
Browns (+3) over Jets
Bills (+2.5) over Colts
Dolphins (-3.5) over Washington
Jaguars (+3) over Panthers
Seahawks (-4) over Rams
Saints (+1) over Cardinals
Lions (+3) over Chargers
Titans (+3) over Buccaneers
Raiders (+3) over Bengals
Ravens (+4.5) over Broncos
Cowboys (-7) over Giants
Eagles (-2.5) over Falcons
Vikings (-2.5) over 49ers
Last Season: 140-122-5 (.534)
Send all hate mail to ethanrbooker@