Totally Radical Sportz!

Here’s Dick – Chapter 10

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 06/05/2015

Here's Dick

Richard Pennisman is locked up for selling the secret Coca-Cola recipe to North Korean rocket scientists. But Richard Pennisman doesn’t plan on staying locked up for long.

Chapter Ten – The Koreans

“Estimated casualties from the nuclear fallout on the northern border of North Korea could reach the hundreds of thousands–“

*CLICK*

“…tens of thousands poisoned by a popular new soft drink sweeping the nations of Southeast Asia–“

*CLICK*

“…a dozen dead in a prison riot in Georgia–“

*CLICK*

Macon State Prison Warden Amanda Wu shuts off her television and mumbles into a glass of wine, “At least we came in third.”


The next morning, Warden Wu is trudging to her office behind large shades as her guards continue cleaning up damage from the previous day’s riot. Prisoner Bumps Blackwell is waiting for the warden outside her office and she dumps a newspaper in his arms as she drags her feet to her desk.

“Shut everything down in basement. Wu Cola out of business.”

“I got some information for you, Warden.”

“Not now, my head…hurts.”

“You didn’t drink any of your cola, did y–“

“No, I didn’t drink cola.”

“‘Cause it’s poisono–“

“Yes, I know it’s poisonous.”

Guard Harry Schette pokes his head in. “Warden, it appears something else happened yesterday. During the riot.”

Warden Wu collapses into her seat and tosses her purse against the wall, removing her shades and squinting through the fluorescent lights. “Oh what now, Schette!”

Harry’s brow is caked in flopsweat. “Three prisoners escaped.” He dives out of the way as a stapler comes careening at his head and Bumps tosses the warden’s paper on her desk.

“Like I said, I got some information for ya.”


North Korean agent Harry Pol and his henchmen are in the back of Dick Pennisman’s brother’s tractor trailer as Enos steers the prison escapees and their new captors across the border into Mexico.

“Are you American operative sent to destroy Democratic People’s Republic of Korea?”

Dick frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“Coca-Cola formula you sold my men was fake. Too much acid, made nuke explode. Million dead.”

“Well first of all, if I’d known you guys were gonna use a cola secret formula for a nuclear bomb–“

“Silence!”

Chit Hayes eyes the North Korean tentatively, “What are you gonna do with us?”

“You and Italian useless. We fly Dick Penis Man back to Pyongyang for trial”

“Useless. So you’re gonna let us go, then? Heh,” Chit chuckles nervously. Harry Pol doesn’t break eye contact and remains expressionless. Chit gulps.


FBI Agents Winfield & Hauser are in pursuit of the tractor trailer in a black unmarked van.

Hauser grins, “We’re right on their ass.”

A Paisano’s Italian Bakery van pulls into the lane behind the FBI van on the long empty Mexican highway and one of Johnnie Maraschino’s former capos Vito Petrocelli smiles as his number two drives.

“We’re right on their ass. Those jamokes’ll lead us straight to Johnnie. And then we’ll pop Maraschino’s cherry.”


Back at Macon State, Bumps is making a deal with the warden.

“You let me handpick a couple prisoners, give us a van, we’ll locate Pennisman. He’s the only other guy who knows about your cola deal, since he gave you the secret formula. We take him out and you exonerate all our charges. Or just let us slip away down Mexico way.”

Wu squints at the con. “You think you can catch up to him down in Mexico. He already got a twenty-four hour head-start.”

Bumps grins. “We’ll be right on his ass.”


Send all hate mail to ethanrbooker@gmail.com

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