Totally Radical Sportz!

Here’s Dick – Chapter 9

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 06/01/2015

Here's Dick

Richard Pennisman is locked up for selling the secret Coca-Cola recipe to North Korean rocket scientists. But Richard Pennisman doesn’t plan on staying locked up for long.

Chapter Nine – The Escape

“Everything happened so fast,” former Macon State Prison inmate Dick Pennisman mutters, half to himself.

The back of his brother’s tractor trailer rocks as Enos Pennisman steers out of Georgia, through Louisiana and into Texas, toward the Mexican border. Dick’s ex-cellmate Chit Hayes blinks blearily, staring dead ahead, seated on an old milk carton.

“I think it went off without a hitch,” former mob boss Johnnie Maraschino encourages, to the dead-eyed stares of his co-conspirators.

“Dozens died in that prison riot, Maraschino. And Cherokee is probably suffocating to death back in that sewer pipe.”

“That redskin knew what he was getting into. He’s a big boy. Which I guess is the main reason he’s still back there, stuck in that pipe.”

Dick leaps at Maraschino, as Chit tries to hold him back and all three go tumbling over each other as Enos’ truck hits a pothole.

Back in Macon State Prison, Warden Amanda Wu is counting stacks of money in her office as Bumps Blackwell rubber-bands the cash.

“Wu Cola is making millions overseas, in Southeast Asia.”

Bumps glances up. “Probably all that overhead you’re saving on free labor.”

“I give you deluxe cell to yourself and TV. Don’t wanna hear no complaints.”

Guard Harry Schette pokes his head in and the Warden sweeps her cash stacks onto the floor behind her.

“Ma’am, there’s an FBI Agent Winfield here to see you.”

The Warden nods and whispers to Bumps, “Bag this up.”

Bumps is on his knees behind the desk, collecting all the cash as Wu greets Agent Winfield at the door.

“Scott Winfield, warden. I’m here about a prisoner…(looks down at his notes)…Penis Man?”

“Pennisman, yes. What about him?”

Bumps’ ears perk up, but he keeps his head down.

“It appears the case we had against him for stealing the Coca-Cola secret ingredient and selling it to the North Koreans may be thrown out. It appears now the secret formula he acquired was a decoy. A fake. When the North Koreans attempted to manufacture rocket fuel for their nukes, it went bad. Too much acid in the formula or something. Thousands dead. Not fit for rockets, let alone for drinking. The government is thinking of dropping all charges. Would I be able to speak with Mr. Penis Man?”

Warden Wu is about to open her mouth to respond when guard Harry Schette pokes his head back in again. “Ma’am, we’ve got a situation in cell block C.”

Dick, Chit & Maraschino have joined Enos on the side of the road in rural Texas as they all stare at a flat tire.

Enos scratches the back of his neck with the brim of his baseball cap. “I thought it was a pothole, but this road is freshly-paved.”

Maraschino kneels next to the tire, fingering the puncture hole. “Madone. This is a friggin’ bullet hole.”

The four men spin around at the sound of a gun being cocked and are met by a small grinning Korean man and three hulking henchmen.

“Mr. Penis Man, my name is Pol. I’ve been hoping to speak with you.”

Dick sighs and his shoulders slump. “It’s pronounced ‘Pennisman’.”

Send all hate mail to

Tagged with:

Comments Off on Here’s Dick – Chapter 9

%d bloggers like this: