Totally Radical Sportz!

Here’s Dick – Chapter 6

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 05/11/2015

Here's Dick

Richard Pennisman is locked up for selling the secret Coca-Cola recipe to North Korean rocket scientists. But Richard Pennisman doesn’t plan on staying locked up for long.

Chapter Six – The Race War

Inmate Dick Pennisman is walking across the prison yard with purpose, followed by a hustling cellmate and prison cook Chit Hayes.

“Whoo, you got me workin’ off that meatloaf weight, fish. Where we goin’?”

“In order to hatch our escape, we’re going to need a good old-fashioned prison riot as a distraction. And there are no two groups more inclined to clash than the white supremacists and the Muslim Brotherhood. Today, we sow the seeds of discord.”

Dick grabs leader of the White Justice gang Clemp Mackley’s arm and he spins around, some of his fellow supermacist compatriots get up in Dick & Chit’s faces.

Clemp sneers. “What do you want, boy? We ain’t got no cotton for you to pick.”

The White Justice members laugh racistly as Chit rolls his eyes.

Dick raises his hands. “I don’t want any trouble. Just thought you fellas should know I overheard the Muslim Brotherhood plotting to make a move on you. They say you’re weak.”

“And why would any of that concern a colored boy like you.”

“Let’s just say I get along with the Muslims about as well as you fellas do.”

Some of the White Justice members snicker and Clemp nods. “Well, we ain’t gonna get along neither, so you best git. I appreciate the heads up, however.”

Chit & Dick turn to leave and Chit lets out a slight shiver. “I gotta take a shower after all that.”

Dick glances at his cellmate with a side-eye. “Yes, that’s one reason.”


In the cafeteria at lunch, Dick sets his tray down across from leader of the Muslim Brotherhood, Shabazz al-Jihad.

“Brother al-Jihad, I have some information you may be interested in.”

Shabazz looks down his nose at Dick. “You’re the new homosexual prisoner. Speak, sodomite.”

“Um…alright. Well, I overheard White Justice in the yard saying they were planning on — and I quote — ‘Banging some rag-heads.’ I thought you and your brothers being a peaceful people might want to go ahead and nip this in the bud.”

“Hmm, indeed. Peace is one option. My thanks to you, heathen. Now be gone.”

Dick winks at Chit behind the kitchen counter on his way out of the cafeteria.


That evening, the two cellmates are laughing, walking down a hallway.

“And now we wait,” Dick beams.

Chit glances inside the library at a passing burst of laughter. “Might be waitin’ longer than you think.”

Clemp Mackley & Shabazz al-Jihad are sitting at a table in the empty library, cackling heartily when Dick & Chit approach.

Dick clears his throat nervously. “What, uh, what’s going on? Shouldn’t you guys be tooling up for a race war?”

Clemp chortles. “Turns out it was all just one big misunderstanding.”

Shabazz pats Dick’s arm. “We are getting along famously.”

Dick’s mouth is agape. “How in the what.”

Clemp smacks Shabazz on the shoulder. “As it happens, we got a lot in common. We both believe in preserving the purity of our races. No intermingling, no half-breeds.”

Shabazz grins. “I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but we are certainly striving toward similar goals.”

Dick is flabbergasted. “But you hate each other. You should be at each other’s throats.”

Clemp squints at Dick. “You know, for a colored fella you sure do want blacks and whites to get to fightin’. Maybe you’re the racist.”

Dick staggers out of the library, shook with his ears ringing like a shell went off. “I just got called a racist by a skinhead who’s in here for lynching.”

Chit moseys alongside his cellmate. “Yeah well, we all have those types of days. What’s the plan now that the race war’s been canceled.”

Dick’s eyes narrow. “We’re just gonna have to start a prison riot of our own.”


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