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Here’s Dick – Chapter 5

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 04/27/2015

Here's Dick

Richard Pennisman is locked up for selling the secret Coca-Cola recipe to North Korean rocket scientists. But Richard Pennisman doesn’t plan on staying locked up for long.

Chapter Five – The Dig

Inmate Dick Pennisman leans out his cell, glancing across the hall at Bumps Blackwell and down a ways at Cherokee Phillips. He counts to three on his fingers and his cellmate Chit Hayes and the other cons simultaneously flush various objects down their toilets. A loud cranking/crunching noise reverberates down the cell block from underneath the concrete floor and the entire plumbing system of Macon State Prison grinds to a halt.

Warden Amanda Wu storms out of her office’s private bathroom, hiking up her skirt and bops guard Harry Schette on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.

“No water pressure. Get work detail down to the sewer pipes now!”

The harried guard rushes toward Dick’s cell block. “Yes, ma’am. Right away, ma’am.”


An hour later, Dick, Chit, Bumps & Cherokee are down amongst the pipes directly below their cells. The rest of the detail, Johnnie Maraschino’s boys, are enjoying soda towards the entrance to the basement. Cherokee strikes a three-foot-wide sewer pipe with a heavy axe and prison cook Chit turns to Dick.

“How did you know this would work, fish?”

“Well, I knew this prison was built fifty years ago so it wouldn’t take much effort to put a strain on the pipes since they simply have never had the budget for maintenance and upkeep. And when it comes to a dirty job like this, I knew Maraschino would hand it off to the new guys. Now all we have to do is make a hole big enough for us to crawl in and temporarily seal it back up until escape day.”

Cherokee lays into the pipe again with his axe and a fountain of shit sprays out. “I say we leave now. My wife is about to give birth to our child and she’s moved in with my cousin, John Red Feathers.”

“Oooh,” Bumps crows, until Chit shakes his head at the jail yard bully, scowling.

Dick puts a hand on Cherokee’s massive shoulder. “We can’t leave yet, Cherokee. Once we come up out that manhole cover, we’re still just right on the other side of the prison fence. We’d be surrounded in seconds. There’s a few more steps to this plan I have to take care of between now and our exodus. But I promise you we’ll get you home to your wife and your new baby.”

Bumps nods. “Yeah and we’ll kick your cousin’s ass, too.”

Cherokee grins and gives the pipe another axeing. The four cons laugh uproariously, their faces and clothes drenched in human shit.


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