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Here’s Dick – Chapter 4

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 04/17/2015

Here's Dick

Richard Pennisman is locked up for selling the secret Coca-Cola recipe to North Korean rocket scientists. But Richard Pennisman doesn’t plan on staying locked up.

Chapter Four – The Job Interview

Inmates Chit Hayes & Dick Pennisman emerge from their new first floor cell for morning roll call. Across the floor, Dick spots jail yard bully Bumps Blackwell clutching a ragged old teddy bear under his arm which he quickly tosses back into his cell after making eye contact with Dick.

Chit is going over Dick’s escape plans. “So say we somehow do dig through our cell floor. Then what, we start digging sideways until we’re on the other side of the fence?”

Dick grins. “The sewer pipes.”

“Sewer pipes? I ain’t crawlin’ through shit.”

“How badly do you wanna get out of here? ‘Cause I don’t know about you, but I can only take so much longer of the daily beatings and bad food.”

Chit, the prison cook, appears hurt. “Hey.”


That afternoon in the yard, Dick approaches a table where a group of Italians are playing cards and ragging on each other.

“Oh, ya gabagool!”


Dick clears his throat and meekly squeaks, “Excuse me, Mr. Maraschino?”

Ex-mob boss Johnnie Maraschino looks up, gripping his cards tightly in a veiny old muscular hand. “Who’s askin’?”

“You don’t know me, my name’s Richard Pennisman.”

Johnnie Maraschino beams widely. “Dick Penis Man? Oh, get a load of Jimmy Sausages ova hea.”

The Italians erupt into belts of laughter and Dick forces a smile.

“Yes, that’s great. Listen Mr. Maraschino, I was hoping you could add me and my friends onto your work detail.”

A shorter younger stocky Italian stands up and gets in Dick’s face. “Oh! You don’t just waltz in here and get made, ya friggin’ moolie quee–“

Johnnie raises a hand, “Luigi, take it down a notch. Listen kid, I’m not obliged to hand out favors for free. How are you gonna make me givin’ you and your jabroni friends a job worth my while?”

“I have the ear of the warden. I gave her some information and in return she moved my cellmate and I to the first floor. She listens to me.”

“Oh, you’re the two moolies what moved? I heard about that.”

Luigi scoffs, “Why would ya wanna move down a floor. Friggin’ moolies.”

Dick coughs nervously. “Can we all just maybe stop saying ‘moolie’ for a minute?”

The hard Italians stare icy cold glares at Dick who gulps audibly, then erupt into another gale of chortling guffaws.

Johnnie Maraschino claps his hands. “I like you, kid. You and your boys are in. Meet us by the tool shed bright and early tomorrow morning. And I’m gonna take you up on that future favor.”

Dick gushes, “Thank you, Mr. Maraschino. You won’t be disappointed.”

Luigi gets up in Dick’s face again. “He better not be disappointed.”

“I just said he won’t be.”

“Well….alright then.”


That evening, Chit and Dick are tucked back into their bunks.

Chit’s voice floats up from the bottom bunk. “Saw you visiting Little Italy today, fish. What’s all that about?”

“I got you, me, Cherokee & Bumps on work detail.”

“You got me workin’ two jobs now?”

“This job will get us down around those sewer pipes.”

“And how do you figure that?”

Dick grins. “We clog our toilet.”

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