Subconsciously – Chapter 12
American Lee Cohn lies her way through England in order to acquire a football team endorsement for e-Pocalypse energy supplement e-cigarettes.
Chapter 12 – Ice Cream Cohn
(Lee Cohn is being driven by Bread’s henchmen — Art & Des — to the predetermined location where the meth deal is to go down between Mexican drug lord “Nacho” Notchizedes and his men and English mob boss and drug & organ trafficker Rebecca Percy and her son Quentin..)
LEE: Do you think I’m dressed appropriately for a drug deal. It’s unreasonably warm out so I put on this sundress, but now I’m worried it’s too flouncy for a drug deal. Maybe we should turn back and I can–
(Art tips his driving cap up in the rear-view mirror..)
ART: Ya look lovely, Miss Cohn.
LEE: Oh thank you, Art.
DESMOND: And at the same time right hard, Miss Cohn.
LEE: Thank you, Des.
ART: Shall we continue on to the docks?
LEE: Right. Carry on. Let’s, heh, sell some drugs.
(Lee joins Bread and Quentin Percy on the docks. A black SUV with tinted windows opposite them..)
BREAD: Did you hear? Bumfordshire F.C. made it to the League final. Mumsy’s payin’ off the refs as we speak. That cup is as good as ours.
LEE: That’s great, Bread. But I’m a little more focused on this drug deal right now.
BREAD: (pulls Lee aside) You know, you can walk away right now. You don’t want this. This isn’t you. You’re a marketer. An advertiser. And a damn good one, I might add. You got a head on your shoulders. You’re no drug dealer.
(Lee watches as Marco escorts her boss Nellie Turano out of the black SUV, a gun trained on her back..)
LEE: No, I have to be here. I have to see this through.
(Rebecca Percy steps out of her son Quentin’s armored Humvee with a knife at Nacho’s throat..)
REBECCA: Alright. The terms are clear. You hand over the e-cigarettes. I hand over your boss.
NACHO: (blindfolded, whips head around wildly) Don’t listen to her, Marco!
MARCO: No deal. You trade Nacho for the American. Then we go forward with the cigarette deal as promised.
REBECCA: You think I care about the American? Kill her.
LEE: No! I care! She’s my boss. And my friend. Nellie, I’m sorry all this happened. I lied in order to get here. I just wanted this job so badly. And I’m so good at lying. I met the Queen because of lying. The Queen! But I’m not going to lie anymore. I see now the error of my ways and I’m sorry.
NELLIE: Well better late than never I guess, Cohn.
(A tear trickles down Nacho’s cheek from under his blindfold..)
NACHO: Marco, there’s something you should know; if all this goes south. Your father was not your real father. I, your father’s brother–
NELLIE: Uncle. Do Mexicans not have a word for ‘uncle’?
NACHO: I am your true father. That night your father, well, my brother, your father’s brother–
NACHO: The night he went to meet with the Marquez Cartel, the night he died..your mother and I..
MARCO: (tears welling up) Nacho?
NACHO: Your mother loved your fa–Marco Sr. so much, she wanted to honor him. She knew he would be a better father than me. We knew what we did was wrong–
REBECCA: This is all very touching, but–
(A shot rings out and Nacho’s body slumps out of Rebecca’s grasp and to the ground. A teary-eyed Marco, gun nozzle smoking, stares at his fallen father as Nellie turns and flees..)
BREAD: Oi, this is like one of them telenovelas.
(The docks are suddenly flooded with sirens and flashing lights. Police swarm in and the Mexicans and British drop their weapons and raise their hands..)
CONSTABLE JAMES STARKE: Miss Lee Cohn.
LEE: I was a patsy! I’m a hostage! I’m pregnant!
STARKE: You’re under arrest for the assassination of the Queen of England.
REBECCA: (clutches necklace) The Queen!
STARKE: Her Majesty passed away from her coma this morning. A coma you put her in when she smoked your e-cigarette. We have video of you at the royal wedding. The boys in the lab say that e-cigarette was laced with methamphetamine.
LEE: But I–
STARKE: The rest of you are free to go.
(Lee is shackled and put into a paddy-wagon as Bread, the Percys and Marco look on..)
BREAD: Tough break, luv. Stiff upper lip, then.
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