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Subconsciously – Chapter 3

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 05/20/2014


American Lee Cohn lies her way through England in order to acquire a football team endorsement for e-Pocalypse energy supplement e-cigarettes.

Chapter 3 – Retrospection

RADIO:  Her Majesty the Queen remains hospitalized after suffering heart palpitations this weeken–

(Lee Cohn turns down the radio in her rental car while dialing her boss Nellie Turano…)

NELLIE:  You’ve got Nellie.

LEE:  Hey boss, it’s Lee.

NELLIE:  Lee, how are those e-cig sales looking.

LEE:  Um, I’m working on some leads. I’m actually on my way to a meeting with Manchester City right now to see if they’d be interested in a sponsorship deal.

NELLIE:  Fan__tic.

LEE:  Boss, you’re breaking up. I think I’ve got a poor connection.

NELLIE:  No, that’s probably on my end. I’m driving through rural Mexico right now.

LEE:  What the heck are you doing down there?

NELLIE:  Well, I haven’t heard anything from the e-Pocalypse people in a while and I couldn’t find an address for a Chicago office, so I decided to head to the address on the packaging. They must manufacture the cigarettes down here in Mexico for tax purposes.

LEE:  Seems shady.

NELLIE:  Nah, all the big corporations are working in Mexico now. Coca-Cola. Nike. Mexico’s the wave of the future, Lee.

LEE:  Okay.

NELLIE:  Gotta go, I see the factory up ahead. Move some merchandise, Cohn.

LEE:  Yes, ma’aam.

(Nellie hangs up and steps out of her rental car in front of a towering decrepit old warehouse. She opens a rusty door and blinding sunshine invades the dark cavernous warehouse, shedding light on long tables where naked Mexican women are sorting and packaging large piles of white powder…)

NELLIE:  Oh, I must have the wrong place.

(Nellie turns to leave and is greeted by a grinning man holding a machine gun…)

GOON:  Not so fast, muchacha.

NELLIE:  I’m sorry. I seem to have stumbled onto some sort of, uh, flour tortilla manufacturing plant. I was looking for e-Pocalypse Industries.

GOON:  This is e-Pocalypse Industries. You are the American?


(A well-quaffed Mexican man in a white three-piece suit approaches Nellie and the armed goon, laughing and clapping…)

NACHO:  Yes! Yes! This is the American.

NELLIE:  Mr. Notchizedes, I want to assure you I haven’t seen anything. What happens in your country–

NACHO:  No no, you have seen enough. And please, we are in business now. My business associates and close friends call me ‘Nacho’. ‘Notchizedes’ is, uh how do you say, too long.

NELLIE:  (nervously chuckles)  It is a long name.

NACHO:  (immediately cross)  It is my mother’s name! I took her name after she burned my father alive for committing infidelities! How dare you speak ill of my mother!

NELLIE:  It’s a lovely name. And I’m sure your mother is a wonderful woman. I’m sorry, Mr. Notchizedes.

NACHO:  (holds up a finger, smiling)  Nacho.

NELLIE:  Nacho.

(Mr. Notchizedes puts an arm around Nellie’s shaking shoulders and leads her out of the drug warehouse…)

NACHO:  Let’s go to my estate and my mother can cook us a nice lunch. What are you in the mood for, Mexican food?

(Nacho and his goons laugh uproariously while Nellie feigns a weak smile…)

(Back in London, Lee has fibbed her way into a meeting with the head of marketing for Manchester City F.C.. They’re shaking hands when Lee’s phone rings…)

MARKETING BLOKE:  I think we’ve got ourselves a deal, Ms. Cohn.

LEE:  Just a moment.  (answers phone)  Nellie, you’d be so proud of me. I got us Manchester City!

NELLIE:  Cancel it.

LEE:  Wha–

NELLIE:  Nix the deal. e-Pocalypse is run on illegal drug money. It’s dirty. There’s a big…warehouse full of coca.

LEE:  Nellie, what are you–

(Mr. Notchizedes knocks on the bathroom door in his palatial Mexican estate…)

NACHO:  Miss Turano, my mother has made enchiladas!

NELLIE:  I’ll be right out.  (into phone)  I have to go, I think I’m being held hostage by a Mexican druglord. *click*

LEE:  (listening to dial tone)  Uh…

MARKETING BLOKE:  Something amiss, Miss Cohn?

LEE:  We’re gonna have to get back to you.

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