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Dust Bowl – Chapter 2

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 01/14/2014

dustbowl

The great Dust Bowl of the 1930′s strikes and Oklahoman Woody Loggins and his Mexican friend Pepe pack up shop and head West.

Chapter 2 – I Ain’t Got No Home In This World Anymore

Woody:  And that’s how the Confederacy would’ve won the Civil War with the aid of automatic weapons.

Kids:  Wow!

Rose:  What are you doing?

Woody:  Just teachin’ these tykes some alternative history.

Rose:  Do you really think that’s a productive use of their time?

Woody:  And who might you be?

Rose:  Rose Nightengale, the music teacher on this caravan.

Student:  (hand raised)  Teach us more about the dinosaurs that are still alive in Africa, Mr. Loggins!

(Woody turns to Rose with his arms up and she shoos him away. Woody gets up and begins walking through the miles-long caravan of Okies fleeing the Dust Bowl for the west coast. The evacuees made it as far as No Man’s Land before settling down and camping out under the stars for the night. The next morning the camp is bustling as Woody makes his way back to Pepe and the truck full of Mexican families they’ve been traveling with…)

Pepe:  Where have you been all morning, Mr. Loggins?

Woody:  Just teachin’ the kids about history, Pepe. Music teacher’s kinda cute.

Pepe:  Yes, Ms. Nightengale. She is engaged to rich lawyer.

Woody:  Ain’t that always the way.

(The camp is overrun with loud whooping and the stomping of horse hooves as a tribe of Indian warriors surround the Okies. A chief in full headdress steps down off his horse and approaches the lawyer, Max Eisenberg…)

Max:  May I help you, sir?

Chief:  I am Chief Panther Swipe of the Seminole Indian tribe. What are you doing on our land, white man?

Woody:  (shoves Max out of the way)  I’ll handle this, short stack. Your land, Chief? Seminole Indians are from Florida, smart guy. Nice try. Take a hike, ya bozo.

(A young Seminole brave whips a tomahawk past Woody’s head, shaving off one of his sideburns before slamming into a wooden ox cart behind him…)

Woody:  Fair enough.

Chief:  What part of ‘No Man’s Land’ do you not understand?

Woody:  Listen, Chief. I have had a rough twenty-four hours. These dust storms have made my old family farm obsolete. Without any crops to sell I couldn’t pay taxes, so the government took my farm away. I’m moving away from my hometown and the one girl I’ve ever cared for in a truck full of Mexicans to head out west for god knows what. I don’t have a single solitary possession left to my name. I ain’t got no home in this world anymore.

Chief:  Gee whiz, I have no idea how that must feel.

Woody:  Yeah, well see now tha–Hey, you’re bein’ sarcastic.

(Max pushes Woody out of the way…) 

Max:  Please, allow me. Chief Panther Swipe, let me make you a proposition. I’m a lawyer and once I make my way out to Los Angeles I imagine I’ll be rich and powerful beyond my wildest dreams. Hollywood is the land of milk and honey. Plenty to go around for everyone. Do you and your tribe want to while away your twilight years here in dust-covered No Man’s Land or do you wanna come west with us — as our security force — and once out there I can get you parts in every western they film in that town. You’ll never have to hunt and gather again.

Chief:  The moving pictures?

(The brave who threw the tomahawk stands next to Chief Panther Swipe…)

Brave:  Chief, I don’t know. Sell out to the white man for his paper money?

Chief:  Those other white men were sinister and double-faced. But there’s something about this white man I trust. We’re in.

Max:  Hooray!

Woody:  How in the hell…

(The brave approaches the ox cart to retrieve his tomahawk, but Woody snatches it before he can reach it, rubbing his shaved sideburn…)

Woody:  I’m keeping this.

~~~

(Meanwhile in DC, President Hoover’s aides are packing train cars…)

Hoover:  A cross-country trip? In my condition?

Thorngood:  What condition is that, Mr. President?

Hoover:  I’m fat, goddammit!

Thorngood:  We need those western votes in order to beat Roosevelt, Mr. President.

Hoover:  Oh, I’m gonna beat that Jew Roosevelt. I’m gonna beat him all the way back to the Holy Land. I’m gonna get Old Testament on his Jew ass.

Thorngood:  Again sir, I’m almost positive FDR isn’t Jewish and I really hope you aren’t planning on bringing that up in any stump speeches.

Hoover:  You’re a stump speech! Get in the caboose!

~~~

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