Totally Radical Sportz!

Absolutely Historical – Chapter 6

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 09/12/2013


Princeton Prof. Henry Nickels, his T.A. Josh Styles and grad student Mary Winthrop go on adventures to discover the true origins of America…

Chapter 6 – Family

(Grad student Mary Winthrop and TA Josh Styles are in a cab following a second cab from Princeton, NJ into New York City…)

Josh:  (grinning like an idiot)  This is so cool!

Mary:  Prof. Nickels is a thief and a murderer, Josh. This isn’t “cool”, this is serious. We have to find proof for Dean Woodruff.

Josh:  Yeah, but it’s still fun to play spies.

Mary:  (sighs, turns to driver)  Not too close.

(The old cab driver waves a hand disdainfully toward the back seat…)

Josh:  We should have code-names. I’ll be “Superhunk”.

Mary:  No.


(The cab Mary and Josh are following pulls up outside an outdoor bistro in the Little Italy neighborhood of Manhattan. Prof. Henry Nickels gets out, sets a large box on a nearby table and shakes hands with a white-haired Italian man. Mary and Josh sneak out of their cab and hole up at a cafe across the street…)

Josh:  (gasps)  The mob!

Mary:  (peering through binoculars)  Don’t be racist, Josh. Just ’cause we’re in Little Italy doesn’t mean that man’s a mobster.

Josh:  Then why is he surrounded by muscular bodyguards?

Mary:  Maybe he’s an Italian diplomat.

Josh:  (pulls out phone)  Lucky for you I’ve got a facial recognition app.  (snaps shot, grins, shows Mary the Google results)

Mary:  Giovanni Mottabene, head of the Sicilian Mottabene crime family.  (looks up at Josh’s pudgy grinning mug)  Well, you don’t have to be smug about it.


(Across the street, Prof. Nickels is showing Don Mottabene a box full of stolen artifacts…)

Professor:  Persian relics of the Thermopylae War. Train spikes from the real Underground Railroad. Proof that JFK survived his assassination. The head of Founding Father James Madison. All priceless artifacts. And all I’m asking for in return is $5 million. Enough to leave the country and lead a comfortable life.

Mottabene:  And a-what do you expect me to do with all this, ah?

Professor:  Take them home to Sicily. Donate them to a museum to promote your public image. Sell them for twice what I’m asking. I don’t really care, I just need to get out of the country; today, if possible.

Mottabene:  (grins)  The American a-professor has gotten into a little trouble, ah?

Professor:  Nothing I can’t handle.

(A henchman approaches the bistro table with Mary and Josh being held at gunpoint…)

Henchman:  Don Gio, I found these kids snooping from across the street.

Professor:  Winthrop, what the hell are you doing here?

Mary:  Exposing you for the criminal you are.

Professor:  Why, that’s preposterous. I was merely donating some artifacts to an Italian ambassador. Part of an international coalition program Princeton has instituted.

Mary:  So you won’t mind if I call Dean Woodruff and tell her you’re selling a box containing the head of James Madison to a Sicilian gangster?

Professor:  Fine, call her. I don’t care.

Mary:  Fine, I will.

Professor:  Fine, you should.

Mary:  Fine, I’m gonna.

Mottabene:  Enough. Nobody is calling a-nobody.  (motions to henchman)  Dispose of these two.

(The henchman cocks a gun at Josh’s head and he pees a little…)

Mottabene:  Not here, you shkadole. Take a-them to the plane. We dispose of them in Sicily, where we have a little more a-freedom.

Josh:  Oh boy! I’ve never been to Germany.

Mary:  (sighs)



Send all hate mail to

Comments Off on Absolutely Historical – Chapter 6

%d bloggers like this: