Federal Prison – Episode 106
Two men — one an embezzling investment banker, the other a homegrown terrorist — suffer the trials and tribulations of federal prison in Northern Maine…
Episode 106 – Attack Of The Cons
(Dick Wilson — de facto leader of the Mill Boys prison gang — is standing on a table in the infirmary of Wheelock Mill Federal Correctional Penitentiary watching a furious riot battle between the Black Fist, White Devils and Mill Boys. By the end, most of the gang members lay injured or worse…)
Dick: (throws hands up) Enough!
(Everyone freezes and Dick lowers his hands…)
Dick: Oh. Guess I should’ve done that earlier. Probably would’ve prevented a lot of unnecessary deaths. Anyway, don’t you see what we’re doing is wrong? We shouldn’t be fighting each other. We should be fighting them. The Man!
Pete: (throws fist up) Yeah! I’m with you, boss.
JeMerrick: (pointing at Alistair Fitt, leader of the White Devils) Why would we, the Black Fist, want to work with a bunch of skinheads?
Alistair: I’ll have you know I happen to have a beautiful full head of hair, you–
Dick: Easy, Al. JeMerrick, can’t we all just get along?
JeMerrick: (scowls) You really gonna use that Rodney King shit on me?
(Dr. Eva Person tentatively exits her office and stands next to Dick…)
Doc: I think what Dick is trying to propose is a peaceful solution to all this.
JeMerrick: So what do you propose, Wilson?
Dick: We’re gonna take the warden hostage. And I’m proclaiming myself Warden-King of Wheelock Mill.
(Dick Wilson and Pete Fawcett of the Mill Boys, Alistair Fitt of the White Devils and JeMerrick Patricks and Cedric Flatts of the Black Fist are making their way from the infirmary through the rioting crowds towards the warden’s office. Dr. Person is following closely behind Dick…)
Dick: Sorry we had to take you hostage, Doc. It’s just in case we run into any guards, we have to convince them we’re willing to kill the innocent. But don’t worry, you’ll be fine. And might I add you look particularly ravishing today.
Doc: Really? Right now?
(Veteran prison guard Mitch Clinton turns the corner to find the company of cons and draws his revolver…)
Dick: (putting a shiv to Eva’s neck) I’ll kill her! I’ll fucking kill her! (whispering in Eva’s ear) Not gonna kill you. You smell really nice today, too.
(Mitch panics and fires. Cedric Flatts drops to the ground, clutching his stomach…)
JeMerrick: Oh, shit!
Pete: Slice her throat, Dick.
Dick: But I like her.
Doc: Get off me!
(Doc shoves Dick away and kneels down next to Cedric as he bleeds out and shuts his eyes…)
Doc: (looking up) He’s gone.
JeMerrick: (eyes burning, stepping toward Mitch) You motherfucker.
(Dick gets in between JeMerrick and the guard…)
Dick: Whoa, hey. Easy, J.
JeMerrick: He just killed my boy. Now I’mma kill him.
Mitch: It was an accident! I panicked!
Alistair: He could be useful to us.
Pete: The skinhead’s right, boss.
Alistair: I seriously have all my hair.
JeMerrick: Shut up, whitey.
Mitch: Please, I’ll do anything. Don’t kill me.
Dick: We’re taking the warden hostage. And you’re gonna help us.
Mitch: Done and done.
Dick: Wow, that was surprisingly easy. Can I have that gun, too?
Mitch: (hands Dick his revolver) You’re the boss.
(Dick spins around pointing the pistol wildly at everyone in the group…)
Dick: Man, prison riots are fun!
Dick: Sorry about your friend, though.
Pete: (rests a hand on Dick’s shoulder) You’re gonna make a great Warden-King.
Dick: Yeah. Ooh, we should make a crown!
(Dick, Pete, Alistair, JeMerrick, and Doc are being led by Mitch toward the warden’s office, when Dick is tackled to the ground out of nowhere. Dick looks up to find Booger pinning him to the ground…)
Dick: Get off me, Boog!
Booger: Now, Sebastian!
(Selena/Sebastian comes whirling around the corner and drags Dr. Person away from the group. Booger joins Selena and the doctor and Dick pulls Mitch’s gun on his former cellmate…)
Dick: Give her back, Boog. She’s my hostage.
Pete: Boss, we really don’t need her now. We’ve got the guard. He’s our ticket to the warden.
Dick: (points the gun at Pete, then back at Booger) Stay out of this, Fawcett.
Booger: Look at you. You’ve gone mad with power.
Dick: Yeah? Well you’re chubby!
Booger: (glowers) You really are a dick.
Dick: That’s Warden-King Dick to you.
Booger: C’mon girls, let’s go. I mean, guys. One girl, one guy.
(Booger, Selena and Dick run off as Dick shakes his fist…)
Dick: You’ll be first against the wall, Oates! You hear me? First against the wall!
(Dick spins and holsters his weapon, smiling…)
Dick: Well, then. Shall we?
(The company of cons have arrived outside the office of Warden Delbert “Del” Mack…)
Dick: (shakes doorknob) Crud, it’s locked. Alright, how do we wanna do this?
Alistair: I say we go in guns blazing.
Dick: Well, we’ve only got the one gun; and we need to take the warden alive in order to use him as a hostage. Any other ideas?
Mitch: We could use my key.
Dick: Ooh, I like that.
(Mitch unlocks the door to find Warden Mack being held at knife-point by Miguel Allende — leader of the Golden Lions — flanked by two of his men, Pedro and Guapo…)
Miguel: (grinning) Hola, Señor Dick.
Dick: Ah, crap.