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Federal Prison – Episode 104

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 10/17/2012

Two men — one an embezzling investment banker, the other a homegrown terrorist — suffer the trials and tribulations of federal prison in Northern Maine…

Episode 104 – The Mill Boy

(The Mill Boys gang are laughing and high-fiving each other in the prison yard when Dick, Booger and Sebastian/Selena pass by. Dick cringes for his latest beating when Pete Fawcett — one of the eldest Mill Boys — comes up and puts an arm around Dick…)

Pete:  Here he is, boys! The man of the hour!

(The Mill Boys applaud Dick, who shrugs and bows. Booger and Selena look on in confused silence…)

Derrick:  Way to go, Dick!

Steve:  Attaboy, Dick!

Dick:  Alright alright, thank you, thank you. What did I do?

(The Mill Boys erupts in laughter and gather around to slap Dick on the back…)

Pete:  Oh gee, nothing really. Only brutally murder our top rival, Jose Quatalendo of the Golden Lions.

Lionel:  You did it, Dick! You the man!

Dick:  That Mexican guy with the big bushy goatee? He’s dead?

Pete:  Don’t act coy, Dick. We heard all about it. Everybody’s talking about tough-as-nails Dick Wilson, the meanest con in Wheelock Mill Correctional.

Dick:  Listen guys, I think there’s been a mis–

Pete:  Which is why we want you to be the new leader of the Mill Boys.

Dick:  What.

Booger:  What.

Selena:  (furiously scribbling in notepad)

(The Mill Boys uniformly drop to one knee…)

Pete:  We are at your service, Mr. Wilson. Give us your command.

Dick:  Um…(nervously clears throat)…carry on?


(Dick, Booger and Selena are seated at a center table in the prison commissary for lunch…)

Booger:  So you’re a Mill Boy now.

Dick:  Didn’t you hear? I’m the Mill Boy. I killed Jose Guadelunda.

Selena:  Quatalendo. And no, you didn’t.

Dick:  Shh. Not so loud, Selena.

Selena:  Shh. Not so loud, Dick. It’s Sebastian, remember?

Dick:  See? We’ve all got secrets to hide. I’m not a murderer. You’re not a man. And Booger’s not not a bedwetter.

Booger:  You promised!

Dick:  That’s why I’m top bunk.

Selena:  Dick, aren’t you the least bit worried? They’re going to find out eventually that you didn’t kill anyone.

Dick:  And until then, I enjoy my reign on top.

(An Hispanic prisoner lunges at Dick with a shiv, screaming in Spanish; before being wrestled to the ground and stabbed with his own shiv by three of the Mill Boys…)

Dick:  (glances over shoulder, pops french fry in mouth)  Good lookin’ out, fellas.

Lionel:  Yes sir, Mr. Wilson, sir.

Dick:  You’re Mexican or something, Selena. What did that guy say?

Selena:  I’m Salvadorean.

Booger:  Like the Back To The Future car?

Selena:  No, Booger.

Dick:  That car was Italian, ya idjit. Seriously though, Selena; what’d that guy say?

Selena:  He said ‘de la vengaza viene la paz’; ‘from revenge comes peace’.

Booger:  What’s that, Frost?

Dick:  No, ya idjit. It’s Longfellow.

Selena:  Don’t you see, Dick? You’re in grave danger. You have to come clean while you still have a chance.

Dick:  I’m in too deep, Selen–Sebastian. I’m just gonna ride this out.

Pete:  (hands Dick a plate)  Cake, Mr. Wilson?

Dick:  Don’t mind if I do, Pete.  (takes a bite, chews in Selena’s face)  It’s carrot and I hate it. But I’m proving a point.


(Dick Wilson is being fanned in his own private jail cell by Derrick. Booger pops his head in…)

Booger:  Hey, Dick. Quick question, who are those two burly guys in our cell? They keep telling me I sleep on the floor now.

Pete:  (steps in between Dick and Booger)  Lemme field this one, sir.  (turns to Booger)  Mr. Wilson rests here now. He’s too important an asset to slum with the likes of you. If Bronco and Wide Joe say you sleep on the floor, you sleep on the floor.

Booger:  (glances over Pete’s shoulder)  But, Dick!

Dick:  (throws arms up, reclines back on toilet)  Sorry, Boog. My hands are tied. It’s in the Mill Boys Charter. We’re gonna break this bunk bed down and turn it into a king-size. Wanna watch me nap?

Booger:  (turns to leave)  Nah, I’m good.

Pete:  I’ll watch you nap, sir.

Dick:  Not really in a napping mood anymore, Pete. I need you boys to do something very important for me.


(A battered Dick is in his usual bed in the infirmary…)

Doc:  (opens ever-growing folder)  Back for another weekly visit.

Dick:  (painfully puts arms behind head)  I’m the leader of the Mill Boys gang now, Doc. Pretty big deal.

Doc:  But they’re the ones that beat you up.

Dick:  I asked them to. So I could see you. Tell you the good news.

Doc:  I told you last time you don’t have to do that anymore. Any more beatings could cause lasting injuries.

Dick:  Oh, I know. Just thought for old time’s sake.

(Dick motions Dr. Eva Person closer and she leans in…)

Dick:  The Mill Boys think I killed the leader of the Golden Lions; but I didn’t. Tee hee! Don’t tell ’em.

Doc:  Dick, that’s terrible. You’ve put yourself at serious risk.

Dick:  Hey, I’ve been pushed around and picked on ever since I got here. Now I’m the one callin’ the shots. It’s my turn, Doc.

Doc:  You could be killed.

Dick:  Oh, enough about me. Tell me about your boyfriend. Does he run a prison gang?

Doc:  (frowns)  No, he’s not in prison.

Dick:  (smirks)  Bit of a yellow belly, eh?

Doc:  He’s a town councilman.

Dick:  Oh, that’s–well actually, that sounds pretty important. Damn. And things are good?

Doc:  Yes.

Dick:  Double damn.


(In cell block H, Miguel Allende — the new leader of the Golden Lions — is sharpening a blade…)

Pedro:  What are you going to do about the gringo, Miguelito?

Miguel:  (sinister grin)  We’re going to start a riot. And I’m going to kill Dick Wilson.  (maniacal laughter)

Guapo:  You want to finish my carrot cake, Miguelito?

Miguel:  (eyes light up, grabs plate)  I love carrot cake!

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