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Federal Prison – Episode 103

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 10/11/2012

Two men — one an embezzling investment banker, the other a homegrown terrorist — suffer the trials and tribulations of federal prison in Northern Maine…

Episode 103 – Visitor Day

(Warden Delbert Mack is in his office speaking with veteran guard Mitch Clinton and his young daughter, guard Julia Mack…)

Warden:  Now I brought you both here today because, as you know, Capt. Blue Henry has retired at the ripe old age of ninety-four. So we need a new prison guard Captain. Someone who knows Wheelock Mill like the back of their hand. Someone with the wherewithal and know-how to whip this prison into shape.

(Mitch Clinton puffs out his chest…)

Warden:  So congratulations, Julia. You are the new Prison Guard Captain of Wheelock Mill Federal Correctional Penitentiary.

Mitch:  What! Her? I’ve been workin’ my ass off for twenty-two ye–

(Warden Mack glowers at Mitch and he begrudgingly holds out his hand for Julia to shake…)

Mitch:  Congratulations, Jules.  (pulls her close, whispers)  Hope you don’t fuck it up.

Julia:  (gulps)


(Dick Wilson is staring out the window of the commissary at a light snowfall covering the northern Maine grounds…)

Dick:  Can’t believe they canceled yard time for this. These aren’t even flurries.

Selena:  Don’t wanna catch a cold. So are you and Booger not on speaking terms anymore now that you found out you’re in love with the same woman?

Dick:  Oh, Booger is such a big baby. Once he realizes he doesn’t stand a chance against my irresistible charm with the ladies, he’ll get over it. There is nothing standing between me and Dr. Person.

(Guard Mitch Clinton hollers at Dick from across the commissary…)

Mitch:  Dick, you got a visitor. It’s your girlfriend.


(Capt. Julia Mack is greeted in the front lobby of the prison by a young man…)

Chuck:  Capt. Mack, Chuck Shinn. I’m the new recruit.

Julia:  Welcome aboard, Chuck. Call me Jules. I’m still getting used to the ‘Captain’ title. I only found out this morning.

Chuck:  Congratulations.

Julia:  Now how much prison guard experience do you have?

Chuck:  I worked a year at Houlton Town Jail. Before that I received my Masters in criminology at Bowdoin College.

Julia:  Well you’ll find things are done a little differently here at Wheelock Mill.

(Chuck and Julia pass a guard lying in a puddle of blood, clutching at his side…)

Julia:  For instance, that man has been shivved.

Chuck:  (gulps)


Kristina:  I’m breaking up with you, Dick.

Dick:  What!

(Dick is with his girlfriend Kristina in the visitors room…)

Kristina:  I can’t be dating a man who’s gonna spend the next quarter-century locked behind bars.

Dick:  I got my lawyer workin’ on it!

Kristina:  Clarence is an idiot.

Dick:  (shoulders slump)  Yeah.

Kristina:  Besides, I started seeing someone else.

Dick:  Well, this just gets better and better. Do I know him?

Kristina:  Sort of.

Dick:  Who is it?

Kristina:  Bryan Lankster.

Dick:  Bryan Lankster?! As in, my old assistant Bryan Lankster?

Kristina:  He’s not an assistant anymore. He actually got your old job. He’s doing quite well for himself.

Dick:  (throws his arms up)  Oh well, good for Bryan Lankster!

Kristina:  I wish you wouldn’t be upset. We had a lot of good times together.

Dick:  Oh, I’m not upset. In fact, I started seeing somebody too.

Kristina:  In prison. Really.

Dick:  Yup.

Kristina:  Are you…?

Dick:  What? No. No. She’s a lady doctor in the infirmary. She’s way prettier than you. Bigger boobs, too.

Kristina:  Wow, that’s great. Glad you’re handling this like an adult, Richard.

Dick:  You’re a…Richard.

Kristina:  That makes no sense.

Dick:  (leaps across table)  Take me back, baby! Please!


(Capt. Julia Mack and rookie guard Chuck Shinn are walking back down the hallway from the visitors area…)

Julia:  I thought you handled that situation in the visitors room well. We try to keep the touching to a minimum between cons and visitors.

Chuck:  Thanks, Jules.

Julia:  Actually, I think we’re gonna go with ‘Captain’. Think I’m ready for it now.

Chuck:  You got it, Captain.

(Chuck and Julia pass a guard laying in a pool of blood, clutching at his side…)

Chuck:  Uh, is that the same shivved guard from before?

Julia:  Probably not.

Chuck:  (gulps)


(Booger is in the visitors area with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Oates…)

Mrs. Oates:  Son, we’re getting a divorce.

Booger:  What?

Mr. Oates:  Now it’s not that we don’t love you, son. It’s just that we don’t love each other anymore.

Mrs. Oates:  You can say that again.

Mr. Oates:  Don’t start with me, Mabel.

Booger:  I was about to tell you all about this new girl I met; and you drop this on me?

Mr. Oates:  Take it from me, son. Don’t bother. Women ain’t worth the trouble.

Mrs. Oates:  That explains why you never went to any trouble for one.

Mr. Oates:  Mabel, I’m warning you.

Booger:  (leaps across table)  Please don’t leave me, mommy and daddy!


(Dick is walking down a darkened hallway toward the Mill Boys gang with arms outstretched, tears in his eyes…)

Dick:  Hey, Mill Boys. Your mothers!

(The Mill Boys race toward Dick with their shivs and rookie guard Chuck Shinn leaps in front of them…)


(That afternoon, Dick and Chuck are in adjoining beds in the infirmary…)

Dick:  Thanks for taking most of those stabs for me, guy. I really just needed an excuse to come see the Doc.

Chuck:  (winces)  Oh, no problem. My pleasure.

(Dr. Eva Person looks up at Dick from her tablet…)

Doc:  Again? What happened this time?

Dick:  Just feelin’ really down, Doc. Got dumped.

Doc:  I’m sorry to hear that, Dick. But I mean what happened with the Mill Boys.

Dick:  Oh, I dunno. Got shivved, I guess.

Doc:  You know you don’t have to get beaten up or stabbed every time you wanna come talk to me.

Dick:  (looks up with a hint of a smile)  Really?

Doc:  Really.

Dick:  Gee thanks, Doc.

(Booger glumly pushes a broom across the infirmary floor toward Dick and Dr. Person…)

Doc:  What’s wrong with you, Booger?

Booger:  My parents are getting a divorce.

Doc:  (puts an arm around Booger)  Oh, you poor thing.

Dick:  (frowns)  You know, me and Kristina were together for four years. Sad.

Doc:  (puts a hand on Dick’s foot)  Aww.

Booger:  My parents were together for twenty-nine years.  (glares at Dick)  Sadder.

Doc:  (embraces Booger)  Oh, you poor baby.

(Dick and Booger flip each other off  — among other obscene gestures — behind Dr. Person’s back. A handsome young man in a suit enters the infirmary with a brown paper bag and Dr. Person runs over to hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek. Dick and Booger whisper angrily at each other…)

Dick:  Lay off, man. She’s mine!

Booger:  I don’t see your name on her.

Dick:  She has a tattoo. It’s hidden. On her butt.

Booger:  You’re a liar.

Dick:  You’re a liar!

(Dr. Person returns to Dick’s bed and begins dressing his wounds…)

Dick:  Who was that, your brother?

Doc:  No.

Dick:  Cousin?

Doc:  No.

Dick:  Brother-in-law?

Doc:  No.

Dick:  Cousin-in-law?

Doc:  No.

Dick:  Close family friend?

Doc:  He’s my boyfriend.

Dick:  Oh.

Chuck:  Can someone please help me? I’m losing a lot of blo–  (falls unconscious)


(That evening in their cell on E-Block, laying in their bunks…)

Dick:  Love is dead, Boog.

Booger:  Yeah.

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