Washington & Madison: Time Travelers – Episode 1.10
Clone George Washington and clone James Madison are traveling through time and space in order to thwart the Illuminati from achieving its goal of the New World Order…
Episode 110 – Dead Man’s Chest
September, 1888 – Washington, D.C.
(George Washington and James Madison are sneaking through the bushes outside the White House, as horse buggies pass by in the night…)
Madison: Can’t believe we’re going to kill the President. This is so awesome!
Washington: I wish you wouldn’t get so much joy out of this, James. I don’t want to kill anyone; but it’s the only way we can stop the Illuminati. By cutting off its head. Now get on my shoulders so I can boost you up into the upstairs window.
Madison: (climbs up George’s back) This is so humiliating.
(James and George are standing over a sleeping President Grover Cleveland. James cocks a pistol stolen off a Nazi soldier and President Cleveland rouses from his slumber and rolls over…)
Cleveland: Who goes there? What are you doing in my bedroom?
Washington: Mr. President, we believe you are going to be approached by some people from an organization known as the Illuminati.
Future Grover: People like us?
(George turns to find Future Grover Cleveland and Abraham Lincoln in the doorway, with guns drawn…)
Cleveland: What the devil is going on here? Get out of my bedroom. I’m the President.
Madison: Relax, bucko. I’m the President, too. So is he. And so are those two dopes over there. You’re not so special.
Cleveland: (dons glasses) My goodness. Why, you’re James Madison. And you’re George Washington. And you’re Abraham Lincoln. And you’re–
Future Grover: (grins) You.
Cleveland: What is this? Some sort of elaborate prank?
Future Grover: Quite the opposite, Grover. Now get up, you’re coming with us.
(Abraham keeps his rifle trained on George and James, while Future Grover drags his past self out of bed…)
Future Grover: (clicks on time transponder) And don’t you two try to follow us either.
Madison: Isn’t this going to create, like, a paradox or something?
(A red portal opens up and Abraham and the Grovers leap through. George quickly opens a blue portal…)
Washington: C’mon. We’re time-jumping them.
Madison: Time travel is so confusing!
(George and James drop out of the sky into a pond, where two ducks quack and splash nearby…)
Madison: (stands up, wrings out powdered wig) Ha. A pair of ducks. I get it. Good one, time portal.
(A Tyrannosaurus leans into the pond and snaps the ducks up with his massive jaw…)
Madison: Ahh! A dragon!
Washington: I believe that’s a dinosaur, James. Nevertheless, run!
(George and James race out of the pond and into a nearby thicket of brush while the Tyrannosaur roars behind them…)
Madison: (keeled over, catching his breath) What the hell is going on here?
Washington: It seems as though Future Grover has traveled back to the Triassic Period.
(A pterodactyl soars low overhead, squawking loudly at the men below…)
Washington: (taps chin) But to what end?
Future Grover: (stepping out from behind a tree, with Abe and Past Grover in tow) Yours, Mr. Washington.
(George grabs James’ pistol, steps forward and fires a bullet into Future Grover’s chest…)
Future Grover: (chuckles as the bullet wound heals before everyone’s eyes) You can’t kill me, George. I’m immortal. You, on the other hand.
(Future Grover raises his gun on George and fires as James dives through the air, catching the bullet in his stomach and collapsing to the ground…)
Washington: (drops to his knees at James’ side) James, what have you done?
Madison: (sputtering blood) You always thought I was a bit of a fuck-up. Guess I really done fucked up now.
Washington: I never thought that, James.
Washington: Well, maybe a little.
Madison: (chuckling, sputters blood) Won’t be long now. Run, George. Run.
Washington: I’ll be forever grateful, old friend.
(James shuts his eyes and passes. George looks up at Future Grover with rage as the Illuminati leader cocks his gun…)
Future Grover: And now the finishing touch.
Lincoln: Not so fast, you big bad bitch.
(Future Grover turns to find Abraham’s rifle barrel resting on Past Grover’s gut…)
Future Grover: Abraham.
Lincoln: You may be immortal; but your past self isn’t, you big muffin top. And if he goes, poof; so do you.
Future Grover: Why would you do this?
Lincoln: ‘Cause you’re a big meanie. Conquering the world like that. Shame on you.
Future Grover: You can’t kill me. I created you. Both of you. (raises fists) I’m immortal!
Lincoln: And now you’re immaterial, you bitch.
(Lincoln blasts Past Grover in the chest and as he drops to the ground, Future Grover fades to nothing…)
Future Grover: Damn you clones!
Lincoln: (blows on rifle barrel) There. Don’t have to worry about those Illuminati goobers anymore.
Washington: Thank you for saving me, Abraham. I don’t know how to repay you.
Lincoln: (wry smile) I’m sure I’ll think of something. Now how about you and I take this time transponder and find someplace nice where nobody will ever bother us again.
Washington: That sounds wonderful, Abe.
(A blue portal opens up and the two Presidents step through, as a triceratops looks on confusedly…)
(In a nightclub on Castro Street in 1980’s San Francisco…)
Lincoln: (snorts rail off a man’s chest on the bar) I love this city!
Washington: (coming off the dance floor, powdered wig dripping with sweat) This is one heckuva hullabaloo, Abraham. But I can’t help but think all our time traveling through the past has somehow affected the present and future.
Lincoln: (staring at nearby man rocking his butt) Everything looks in tip-top shape to me, Georgey Boy.
(George shrugs and orders a drink as the television behind the bar is showing a press conference in which United States President Fidel Castro is announcing his intentions to go to war with Canada…)