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Washington & Madison: Time Travelers – Episode 1.05

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 08/22/2012

Clone George Washington and clone James Madison are traveling through time and space in order to thwart the Illuminati from achieving its goal of the New World Order…

Episode 105 – Space Race

July 1969, Florida

(George and James exit the time portal and walk out into a torrential downpour…)

Madison:  (holds briefcase full of $50 million from future over head)  Oh, great. Why are we always wet?

(George finds cover under a billboard and clicks on the time transponder. Dr. Thomas Edison VII’s face pops up on screen…)

Edison:  Great job with the robot army, guys.

Washington:  But we didn’t even do anything, Doctor. By the time we got to the warehouse, it was empty.

Edison:  Which means the Army didn’t get them. Hence, good job. Anyway, your mission today is to go to the Moon.

Washington:  Great! I’ve been hoping to see Martha again.

Edison:  Well, not exactly. You’re outside of the Kennedy Space Center in Merritt Island, Florida; the year 1969.

Madison:  Ha!

Edison:  We need you to infiltrate the Apollo 11 flight — posing as astronauts — and beat the Russians to the Moon.
A Soviet scientist is piloting a rocket there as we speak, packed with enough explosives to blow up the Moon and throw Earth into chaos. It’s your job to stop him.

Washington:  But I thought America did beat Russia to the Moon in the past already.

Edison:  Well, time travel’s still a young science. Turns out when you change some things, other things get affected as well. We’ve gotta go back and clean up some of the loose ends.

Madison:  So don’t let Russia blow up the Moon; got it. Can we at least have a day off and come hang out at the Moon Base with y’all up there when we’re done?

Edison:  (sighs)  Lemme try explaining this again.  (drags over chalkboard)

~~~

(George and James enter the Kennedy Space Center and make their way to the astronaut locker room, where Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are showering…)

Washington:  What’s our plan here?

Madison:  Follow my lead, boss.  (struts into shower area)  Hey, Armstrong.

(Neil Armstrong turns around to see no one. He feels a tapping on his knee and looks down…)

Armstrong:  What the–

Madison:  (grins)  You’re gonna be seeing stars.  (punches the first man on the Moon directly in the groin)

(James glances back at an aghast George…)

Madison:  I said follow my lead! Nevermind, I’ll do it.

(Buzz Aldrin turns around and receives a punch square to the groin. Both astronauts are rolling on the ground…)

Madison:  (claps hands)  Done and done.

Washington:  Well, now what? They’re not unconscious and they’ve seen our faces.

(Minutes later, George and James shut two lockers stuffed with astronauts and climb into Neil and Buzz’s gear…)

Madison:  (claps hands)  Done and done.

Washington:  Stop saying that. We still have to get to the Moon, you know. And neither of us knows how to fly a spacecraft.

Madison:  With this modern technology, these things practically fly themselves.

(James and George exit the locker room…)

Washington:  I don’t believe that’s entirely true.

Stone:  There you two are.

(George and James are greeted by a smiling young woman in a NASA jumpsuit…)

Washington:  I am Neil Armstrong.

Madison:  And I’m Biff Aldrich.

Washington:  Aldrin.

Madison:  Aldrin.

Stone:  I’m Susan Stone. And you boys are late. Launch is in thirty.

Washington:  Pray tell my dear lady, are you a fellow space-man?

Madison:  Astro-man.

Washington:  Astro-man.

Stone:  An astronaut? I mean, I’ve flown simulators. But they’d never let me be–

Madison:  The first woman in space. Congratulations, you’ve got the job.  (shakes the confused woman’s hand)  Now if you can just handle the basic stuff like flying us to the Moon and back; we’ll handle all the sciencey stuff.

Stone:  Can you do that?

Madison:  We just did.  (turns to George)  It’s so relaxing to be able to just go in these spacesuits. So freeing.  (sighs happily)

Stone:  (averting eyes from James’ wet spot)  That’s just a jumpsuit. Your spacesuits are down the hall.

~~~

(On the launch pad, Susan, George and James are strapped into Apollo 11 as launch command radios in…)

Command:  A lady astronaut? This is highly irregular, Buzz.

Madison:  It’s Biff.

Washington:  I believe it’s Buzz.

Madison:  Is it? That doesn’t sound right.

Command:  Well, good luck gentlemen and lady.

(The countdown begins and James again sighs happily…)

Washington:  (frowns)  Stop doing that.

~~~

(Meanwhile in the skies over the Soviet Union, Dr. Ivan Klawstovich and his two primate assistants — Petr and Igor — are piloting the Predragostor 10 rocket out of the atmosphere…)

Klawstovich:  For Mother Russia!

Petr:  Ooh-ooh-ah!

~~~

(The hatch opens on the Apollo 11 and George Washington/Neil Armstrong steps foot on the Moon’s surface…)

Washington:  That’s one small step for man–

Madison:  (shoves George off the ship ladder)  Wheeeeee!

(George and James hop up and down in slow motion until they hear a crash over a distant crater…)

Washington:  That must be the Soviets.

Madison:  (eyes narrow)  Red bastards.

(Susan pulls up on a Moon rover…)

Stone:  You gentlemen need a lift?

Madison:  (pushes Susan down the seat)  I’m driving!

~~~

(The rover is flipped over and emitting a cloud of black smoke as George, James and Susan look on…)

Washington:  Next time, I drive.

Stone:  That rover cost a million dollars.

Madison:  Just take it out of my paycheck. Me, Buff Alderson.

Washington:  Aldrich.

Madison:  Aldrich.

Stone:  It’s Aldrin. Buzz Aldrin.

Madison:  Is it?

Stone:  You guys aren’t Neil and Buzz. Who are you?

Madison:  We’re the ones who are going to stop the Russians from blowing up the Moon.

Stone:  The Russians? They don’t have manned spacecraft technology yet.

Klawstovich:  I am afraid that’s where you are wrong, pretty lady.

(Susan turns around to find a hobbled man flanked by two old chimpanzees in spacesuits, standing at the top of the crater…)

Madison:  Monkeys!

Klawstovich:  Petr, Igor, tie them up.

(The chimps tie ropes around the three American astronauts as James giggles…)

Madison:  Monkeys! So cute.

~~~

(Susan struggles against the ropes…)

Stone:  Blow up the Moon? You’ll kill us all! The Americans and the Russians.

Klawstovich:  A small price to pay to stop American imperialist dogs.

Stone:  You’re mad.

Klawstovich:  Dah.

(Klawstovich sets the timer on a large device. James digs at the ground with his heel…)

Washington:  What are you doing? Attempting to free us?

Madison:  Writing ‘Hi, Dr. Edison’ in the dirt. Freak him out in the future.

Washington:  Don’t you understand, James? This Moon won’t be here in the future. We’re all going to die.

Madison:  (shrugs)  This stuff usually has a way of working out.

Washington:  What are you talking about? Nothing has worked out. The Illuminati has thwarted us at every turn.

(A red vortex opens up in the sky and Abraham Lincoln tumbles out, landing on top of the Moon bomb, knocking it over and shattering it to pieces…)

Lincoln:  Ooh, my nads!

Washington:  Huh. Well, that worked out.

(Susan frees the three with a shard from the totaled rover. George clicks on the time transponder and a blue vortex appears…)

Stone:  What the–

Madison:  Susan, take the Apollo back. First woman in space. Congratulations.

(The monkeys jump up and down as Klawstovich shakes his fist at Lincoln…)

Klawstovich:  You fool!

Lincoln:  Oh cram it, Boris.

Madison:  (whispers to George as they step through the portal)  Oh, I bet the Russian’s gonna bang those monkeys. That’s how they get Moon Mole Men in the future.

Washington:  You are a disturbed individual.

Madison:  Least I’m not a monkeyfucker.

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