Washington & Madison: Time Travelers – Episode 1.04
Clone George Washington and clone James Madison are traveling through time and space in order to thwart the Illuminati from achieving its goal of the New World Order…
Episode 104 – Robot Cops
August 2121, Detroit
(A swirling blue vortex opens up and George Washington and James Madison slam into the dusty concrete. George clicks on the time transponder and Dr. Thomas Edison VII’s face pops up on screen…)
Edison: Tough break with the Titanic, guys. But hey, we’ll get ’em next time.
Washington: I’m afraid perhaps we’re not the right men for the job of combating the Illuminati, Doctor.
Edison: Nonsense. You just had a little bad luck. It can happen to the best of us. This mission should be a whole heckuva lot easier.
(James Madison glances around at rundown factories, dusty empty streets and some scattered, tattered skyscrapers off in the distance…)
Madison: Where are we? Is this after the apocalypse?
Edison: No, it’s Detroit. The year 2121.
Madison: What a dump.
Edison: Yes well, that ‘dump’ is the safest place in America. A crime rate of zero percent.
Washington: No crime? How is that possible?
Edison: Well, the police fled the city years ago. So a billionaire philanthropist — Henry Ford VIII — manufactured and mobilized a private security force to police the city; made up entirely of mechanized robotic officers. They call them “robot cops”.
Washington: Robots? Do you speak of automatons?
Edison: Uh, yeah. Essentially.
Washington: A Russian prince visited early on in my presidency and brought along an automaton. He offered it to me as a gift; but I relented. It’s only function was…rather personal.
Madison: Whoa, a sex robot? And you passed it up? I didn’t get offered no sex robots when I was President.
Edison: Anyway, Ford Mechanics’ robot cop division has attracted the interest of the Army and a Gen. Frank Flexner in particular. A–
Washington: –noted Illuminati operative. Yes, I figured as much.
Edison: Your mission is to stop the Illuminati from militarizing a robot army by any means necessary. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go apply lotion to Martha and Dolly’s backs. The ladies are moonbathing. Bye! (screen clicks off)
Washington: Well, that seems simple enough. Stop a robot arm–wait, moonbathing?
(George and James are walking along a barren highway toward future Detroit…)
Madison: How the heck are we going to stop the Army from buying up all these sex robots? We don’t even have any money!
Washington: They’re not sex robots, James. They’re just normal automatons. And I think I have a plan; but it will involve a bit of fibbing.
Madison: (smirks) Mr. Never-Tell-A-Lie’s gonna break the Golden Rule? I’ll believe it when I see it.
Washington: I thought the Golden Rule was saying ‘please’.
Madison: What am I, a rulebook?
Robot Cop: STOP, HUMANS.
(The two Presidents whirl around to find a group of seven-foot tall hulking shiny metal androids with rifles trained…)
Robot Cop: PRESENT YOUR IDENTIFICATION SCANS.
Washington: Terribly sorry; but I’m afraid I’m unfamiliar with this–
(A robot cop grabs George’s forearm and scans it with a laser-eye…)
Robot Cop: (turns to Sgt.) THE HUMANS LACK IDENTIFICATION SCANS.
Robot Sgt: INTO THE TRANSPO, HUMANS. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST.
Washington: Oh, dear.
Madison: (glancing up at a towering robot cop escorting them to the back of a hover-van) Who would wanna have sex with you?
(In a cell on the basement level of Ford Plaza — home to Ford Mechanics — George is pacing back and forth, while James reclines on a cot…)
Washington: No wonder there’s no crime in this city. I didn’t see a soul on those streets out there. They must have arrested everyone in the city.
Madison: Yeah. Nice digs, though.
Washington: It is a grey rectangular slab with one cot.
Madison: I call cot dibs for tonight. You can have it tomorrow night.
Washington: And they confiscated the time transponder. There’s no escape.
(A robot cop taps on the cell bars…)
Robot Cop: MASTER FORD WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK WITH YOU.
Madison: (leaps off cot, elbows George) No escape, huh?
(The two file out of the cell and James turns to the robot…)
Madison: Do you sexbots give out handies; or is it strictly missionary?
Robot Cop: DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Madison: Playin’ coy, eh?
(On the 44th floor of Ford Plaza, George and James enter the office of Henry Ford VIII, where Mr. Ford is seated at his desk with an older white-haired man in full military garb…)
Ford: Gentlemen, welcome. Have a seat. I apologize for the mix-up earlier. I’ll have the robot cops return your cellphone at once.
(A robot cop by the door hands George the time transponder…)
Ford: Gen. Flexner, I must admit I’ve brought you here under false pretenses. The fact is these men here are representatives of the Air Force and the Navy.
Washington: (glances at James) Uh…how did you know?
Ford: Well, I mean come on. Who else would dress like that?
Washington: (glances down at blue frock coat) Um…only a Naval Captain, of course.
Madison: (pointing thumb at his tiny child-sized frock coat) And I’m an Air Force…guy.
Flexner: What’s the meaning of this, Ford? I thought we had a deal. I’ve got a briefcase here full of $50 million dollars.
Madison: (licks chops)
Ford: And that’s an admirable bid. (turns to George) What’s your bid, Navy?
Washington: Um…$55 million?
Ford: Air Force?
Madison: Too rich for my blood.
Flexner: This is an outrage!
Ford: (grins) Captain? Let’s go meet your new Naval fleet.
Flexner: This is a big mistake, Ford. I’ve got powerful friends.
Ford: (smiles) As powerful as robots?
Madison: Ooh, robo-burn!
(Henry Ford VIII opens a garage door to a large warehouse…)
Ford: Gentlemen, meet my robot army.
(George and James peer into a vast empty warehouse. A mouse skitters along the back wall…)
Madison: Ooh, invisible robots. Very hi-tech.
(Ford’s face goes stark white…)
Ford: My God.
(Out behind the warehouse, a red vortex is swirling as clone Abraham Lincoln ushers the last of the robot soldiers in…)
Lincoln: C’mon, hun. In you go, ya big box of bolts.
(George and James are trudging back down the barren highway…)
Washington: Empty-handed again, old chum.
(George clicks the time transponder and a blue vortex opens up on the empty roadway…)
Madison: I wouldn’t say we’re entirely empty-handed, Chico.
(James holds up Gen. Flexner’s briefcase with a devilish grin…)
Washington: (smiles) James, you cheeky bastard.
Madison: Just wish we coulda bought one of them sex robots.
Washington: (stepping through the vortex) How many times do I have to tell you they aren’t sex robots.
Madison: Well, not at first. You’d have to train ’em. (vortex vanishes)