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Washington & Madison: Time Travelers – Episode 1.01

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 07/31/2012

Episode 101 – Lunar Awakenings

August 2247, The Moon

(In a private laboratory of Moon Base One, there’s a flash-bang of smoldering blue light and a man in a blue frock coat and powdered wig collapses into the arms of two young students in lab coats. A bespectacled man in his early thirties with thinning hair smiles at the older man struggling into his seat…)

Edison:  Mr. Washington.

Washington:  President Washington. Where am I?

Edison:  (sticking out hand)  I’m Dr. Thomas Edison VII. And you’re on the Moon, Mr. President.

Washington:  What.

Edison:  I know this is all going to be very jarring for you; but you’ve been cloned. We used some particles from your wooden teeth to bring you here to the 23rd Century, because we need your help.

Washington:  My teeth?

Edison:  There is a collective known as the Illuminati that has brought about the New World Order and destroyed the Earth as we know it; which is why we’ve set this base up on the Moon.

Washington:  The Moon?

Edison:  We need to send you back through time. There were certain events — turning points — that led us to where we are today. If you can correct these events; you can change the world.

Washington:  Can I have a glass of water?

(One of the lab-coated students runs out and returns with a glass that the cloned President-General swallows in one gulp…)

Edison:  I realize this must all be quite foreign to you, so we’ve brought along some familiar faces. Your partner in your endeavors will be James Madison.

(The three-foot midget President Madison waddles into the lab, waving…)

Madison:  Hiya, boss.

Washington:  James, old friend. What is all this?

Madison:  Simple, boss. We’re gonna save the world.

Edison:  And one more surprise, Mr. President.

(Martha Washington and Dolly Madison enter the lab and George rises to embrace his wife…)

Washington:  Martha, my love.

Martha:  My dear George, how I’ve missed you. I’m so proud of what you’re doing for your country and the world.

Washington:  I’m still unclear as to what precisely that is.

Madison:  It’s simple, George. There are bad guys out there and we’re gonna stop ’em.

(The entire Moon Base One complex shudders and begins sinking into the Moon’s surface…)

Madison:  What was that? Earthquake, er–Moonquake?

Edison:  (eyes narrow)  Moon Mole Men.


(In a small base in an undisclosed location on the dark side of the Moon, Grover Cleveland — the leader of the Illuminati — strokes his muttonchops as he stares at a flash-bang of smoldering red light and a tall lanky, bearded man tumbles to the floor…)

Cleveland:  Mr. Lincoln. Welcome to the Moon.

Lincoln:  (stands up, dusts himself off, adjusts his stovepipe hat)  Well, my stars! I’ve never been to the Moon.

Cleveland:  We brought you here, because we have an important mission for you.

Lincoln:  Lay it on me, you big walrus of a man.

Cleveland:  We want you to kill George Washington.

Lincoln:  Well, goodness. Who put the bug up your butt, mister? And do you need somebody to help get it out?  (winks)

Cleveland:  (frowns, turns, strokes mustache)  Gotta have IT check on that cloning machine.


(The Moon Base One lab is tilted slightly and alarms sound across the complex. Dr. Edison VII surveys the damage…)

Washington:  Who are these Mole Men you speak of?

Edison:  We discovered them shortly after setting up a base here. They dwell in the caverns and craters under the Moon’s surface. They haven’t taken too kindly to our colonization. But ever since the Illuminati tapped the Earth’s resources, we have nowhere else to go.

Washington:  So what do we do now?

Edison:  We send you boys back.  (hands George a device)  Here’s your time transponder. Pretty easy to operate; just enter a date and you’re off. The traveling part will take a bit to get used to.

Washington:  But what about the Mole Men? My wife? James’ wife?

Edison:  We’ll be fine. We have a security team on site to protect the base. You’re the precious cargo here. We can’t let anything happen to either of you. The fate of the world depends on it.

Washington:  Very well. Where are we going?

Edison:  New York City. The year 2169. It’s when the Illuminati made their first major offensive.

Washington:  Alright, how do I work this doohickey?

Madison:  Behind ya, boss!

(George Washington is grabbed from behind by a Moon Mole Man who crawled up through a crack in the sunken lab floor…)

Mole Man:  Braaaaah!

Washington:  Unhand me, you furry scoundrel!

Mole Man:  Braaaaaah!

Madison:  (kicks Mole Man in shins)  Get outta here, ya jamoke!

(The Moon Mole Man strikes Madison and he tumbles head over heels into the corner. Gen. Washington drops the time transponder and it cracks open on the tile floor…)

Washington:  Blast it all!

Mole Man:  Braaaaah!

(A security officer rushes in and strikes the Mole Man with the butt of his rifle. The Mole Man collapses to the floor…)

Edison:  (picks up the broken transponder)  Busted.

Washington:  So we’re stuck here? On the Moon?

Edison:  No. There’s another transponder; an earlier model. It’s in a storage locker across the field from the lab, so we’re gonna have to go outside.

(James Madison runs back into the lab with a space helmet on…)

Madison:  Let’s suit up, boss!


(George Washington, James Madison and Dr. Thomas Edison VII are floating across a grey Moon-rocked field in their spacesuits from the now-tilted Moon Base One to a bank safe-like storage locker as Moon Base security officers scramble to collect the spreading scourge of Moon Mole Men…)

Edison:  (enters a code, opens the storage locker, begins rifling through shelves)  I thought it was in here somewhere.

Madison:  (glances at the advancing circle of Moon Mole Men)  Uh, Doc?

Edison:  Found it!

(Dr. Edison comes out of the locker holding up an older version of the time transponder and clicks it on…)

Edison:  Huh, battery still works. She’s not as up-to-date as the broken one; but we don’t really have much of a choice given the circumstances. Should be fine.

Washington:  Should?

Edison:  (hands George the transponder)  I’ve already entered the date. Just give that big oval button a click.

(George Washington points and clicks the transponder and a large swirling blue portal opens up in front of the men…)

Madison:  Purty.

Edison:  Well, this is it. Jump through that portal and you’re in Manhattan, seventy-eight years ago. Remember we’ll always be in constant contact, through the transponder.

Washington:  Can I speak to my Martha before we leave?

Edison:  Sure.  (radios the lab)  Mrs. Washington? I’ve got your husband on the line.

(A Moon buggy crests a hill a mile away and a bearded man in a spacesuit with a stovepipe hat atop his helmet steadies a rifle scope on Gen. Washington’s head…)

Lincoln:  Goodnight Moon, bitch.

(Lincoln fires, a bullet rips through George Washington’s helmet and he collapses to the dusty grey ground…)

Madison:  Boss. Boss!

Edison:  (kneels down)  Looks like it went clean through. He wasn’t hit. But he’s not gonna last long in this atmosphere with a hole in his helmet. Help me drag him to the portal.

(Edison and Madison drag Washington to the swirling blue vortex and James props the General on his back…)

Madison:  I can manage from here, Doc. Didn’t know those Mole Men had guns, though.

Edison:  (squints at a cloud of dust on the distant horizon)  That was no Mole Man.

Madison:  (shrugs)  Whatever. Take care of our girls, Doc.

(James and George tumble through the portal and it disappears. A Mole Man grabs at Dr. Edison’s spacesuit…)

Edison:  (knocks Mole Man over with one hand)  Oh, bug off.


(Back at the Illuminati Dark Side Moon Base…)


Lincoln:  Oh calm down, ya big goon. I’ll get him next time. I saw where they’re headed.

Cleveland:  Then you go there and you go there now. I want him dead. You hear me? Dead!

Lincoln:  (whips out transponder, zaps swirling red vortex across room)  You’re a real crabapple. You know that, Grover?  (leaps through portal)

Cleveland:  (sighs)  Debbie!

(A buxom blonde secretary bounces into President Cleveland’s office…)

Debbie:  (snapping gum)  Yeah, boss?

Cleveland:  Debbie, can you get me the files on the Lincoln clone? Think one of our scientists forgot to carry the three, or something.

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