Totally Radical Sportz!

Spaceships! – Episode 204

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 07/19/2012

Capt. Bob Riggs, formerly of the Confederate Space Alliance (CSA), and Lord Lung Wang, formerly of the Imperial Master Force (IMF), are on a mission through the deep recesses of space to take down the IMF, led by Lord Wang’s sister, Queen Ling Wang…

Episode 204 – Ghosts of Spaceships Past

(The SS P.E.A.C.E. is floating peacefully through the outer reaches of the Shaoxing Galaxy, in pursuit of Queen Wang and the Imperial One of the IMF. Capt. Bob Riggs is on the bridge of the warship with his First Mate Ollie Grant piloting…)

Riggs:  (points)  What’s that?

Ollie:  I’m not falling for that again, Captain.

Riggs:  Falling for what?

Ollie:  Your little practical joke where you point and say ‘What’s that?’; I look and you bop me on the head.

Riggs:  Yeah, I am pretty funny when I do that. But I’m serious this time, Ollie. Look. There’s something out there.

Ollie:  Not falling for it.

Riggs:  It looks like a ship.

Ollie:  Out in the middle of nowhere? You’re really stretching, Captain.

(Lord Wang joins Ollie and the Captain on the bridge…)

Wang:  My goodness, he’s right. That is a ship.

(Ollie squints and sees a medium-sized vessel floating aimlessly in the distance…)

Ollie:  My gosh. I’m sorry I doubted you, Captain.

Riggs:  (bops Ollie on the head)

~~~

(Ollie has pulled the SS P.E.A.C.E. up alongside the ship and is reading his space sonar…)

Ollie:  No signs of life on the vessel. No signs of an attack or a struggle. Seems like it’s just been abandoned.

Riggs:  Now who would go abandoning a perfectly good ship?

Chi:  Didn’t you abandon your ship, Captain?

Riggs:  Yeah, but that ship had other people on it. And I didn’t abandon it, I was kidnapped.

Chi:  Still a form of abandonment.

Wang:  (eyes bulge)  Gentlemen, this ship isn’t abandoned. This ship is haunted. It’s a ghost ship!

Chi:  My Lord, there’s no such thing as ghost ships.

Ollie:  There’s no such thing as ghosts, period.

Riggs:  Now let’s not go hastily dismissing a plausible explanation.

Ollie:  What in the world is even remotely plausible about a ghost ship?

Riggs:  Chi, prepare the spacesuits. We’re boarding that ghost ship.

Wang:  I’m not going on a ghost ship.

Riggs:  What? Why not?

Wang:  I’m frightened.

Riggs:  (rolls eyes)  Alright, Lord Wuss can stay here with his stuffed animals. The rest of us are goin’ ghost hunting.

Chi:  Perhaps someone should stay here with Lord Wang.

Riggs:  Don’t tell me you’re scared, too.

Chi:  Not scared. I just think someone should keep an eye on the ship while everybody else is out exploring.

Riggs:  Alright, the IMF pussies can stay here on the P.E.A.C.E. and hide under the covers; while Ollie and I go get spooked. You with me, Ollie?

Ollie:  If for no other reason than to prove that that is not a ghost ship.

Riggs:  (bonks Ollie on the head)

~~~

(Ollie and Capt. Riggs are in their spacesuits outside the entry hatch of the ghost ship…)

Riggs:  Can you read me, Chi?

Chi:  (back on the bridge of the P.E.A.C.E.Loud and clear, Captain.

(Ollie opens the hatch and a cloud of dust exits the ship…)

Riggs:  Whew! Stinky in here.

Ollie:  (frowns)  You’re in a spacesuit. How can you smell the ship?

Riggs:  That must be me, then.

(The two men enter and shut the hatch behind them. Ollie checks the readings on his transponder and removes his helmet…)

Ollie:  Oxygen level’s fine.

Riggs:  (glancing around, knocking on walls and panels)  This is one old hunk of junk. I wonder who flew this piece of crap.

(Ollie and Bob freeze as a low growl rolls from the back of the ship…)

Riggs:  Did you hear that? Do you think it’s spooks?

Ollie:  No, Captain. I’m sure it’s just the ship settling.

Riggs:  Uh huh. Or maybe the wind?

Ollie:  You don’t really get space, do you Captain?

(The two make their way down a hallway, peeking into rooms along the way and finding bunk after empty bunk…)

Riggs:  This place seems familiar.

Ollie:  (flips light switch to no result)  Ship’s generator must have run out decades ago.

Chi:  (over the radio)  Find anything?

Riggs:  (leaps in the air)  A ghost!

Ollie:  That’s Chi on the transponder, Captain.

Riggs:  Oh Chi, I thought you were a spooky ghost.

Chi:  Well…I’m not.

Ollie:  We think this ship’s been sitting here for decades. No sign of life yet.

Chi:  It’s covered in dust on the exterior, too. Can’t make out a name or an insignia. Doesn’t look like IMF, though.

Riggs:  Well the CSA is only eight years old, so it couldn’t be us either. If it’s not CSA and it’s not IMF, who could it be?

Wang:  (grabs radio from Chi)  Space pirates!

Riggs:  (gasps)  Space ghost pirates!

Wang:  (gasps)

Riggs:  (gasps)

Ollie:  Stop gasping, you two!

Wang:  That ship is probably crawling with the ghosts of space pirates of yore. Their little space parrots cawing for their masters.

Riggs:  And crackers.  (looks around, shaking head)  Man, this place is probably lousy with space pirate ghosts.  (cups hands to mouth)  AHOY, MATEYS! AHOY!

Ollie:  Captain, please. There’s no such thing as ghosts.

Riggs:  Look for peg leg tracks in the dusty floor.

Ollie:  No. Let’s just find the bridge and see if the Captain left his log behind.

Riggs:  Ooh and maybe he left his booty behind, too!

~~~

(Capt. Riggs and Ollie find a longer hallway leading toward the front of the ship…)

Riggs:  Think of it, O. Space gold. We’d be rich! Rich as pirates.

Ollie:  We’re already rich. Lord Wang has all the money in the world. And again, pretty sure this isn’t a pirate ship.

Riggs:  Ghost pirate ship.

Ollie:  Pretty sure it’s not that either.

Riggs:  Whoa.

(The hallway empties into a large cavernous bridge, as dark and echoingly empty as the rest of the ship…)

Riggs:  Okay, now this looks really familiar.

Ollie:  Captain, this is our ship.

Riggs:  The P.E.A.C.E.? No, that’s another ship.

Ollie:  No, the Moxie. Well not the Moxie, per se. But the same line of manufacture. Everything’s exactly the same, down to the last detail.

Riggs:  Except this Moxie‘s wicked old.

Ollie:  Look around for the log. Where did you usually keep yours?

Riggs:  I’m not following.

Ollie:  Your log. Your Captain’s log?

Riggs:  Oh, the spaceship diary. Diaries are for girls. I let Lt. Gary handle that.

Ollie:  Well, where did she keep it?

Riggs:  (shrugs)  I dunno. Pantie drawer?

(After a half-hour of scrounging around, Ollie finally finds it kicked to the corner of the bridge under a pile of dust bunnies…)

Ollie:  (flips pages, furrows brow)  Huh.

Riggs:  What. Can’t read?

Ollie:  This can’t be right. Last entry date is from forty-six years from now.

Riggs:  Maybe they’re using the Julian calendar.

Ollie:  (reading, eyes bulge, shuts off transponder)  Captain, this is the Moxie.

Riggs:  (cocks head to side)

Ollie:  This is the Moxie. From the future.

Riggs:  (gasps, belches)

~~~

(Capt. Riggs and Ollie are sitting on the floor of the bridge of the future Moxie, the Captain staring out the dusty window while Ollie thumbs through the Captain’s log…)

Ollie:  It says after we were kidnapped, Grace became Captain and promoted Cliff Tuggs to Lieutenant.

Riggs:  Aw, she better not have used my Captain’s washroom.

Ollie:  It seems we succeeded in taking down the regime of Queen Wang and Lord Wang quickly swooped in and took over as King of the Imperial Master Force.

Riggs:  (eyes widen)  Just like the chicken said.

Ollie:  Yes. We seem to have escaped back to the Moxie. But King Wang then proceeded to wipe out all other known planets.

Riggs:  Sucks for them. What happened to the ship? To us?

Ollie:  King Wang tracked the Moxie down, boarded and proceeded to execute everyone on board.

Riggs:  Except for whoever’s writing that log.  (shuts eyes, crosses fingers)  Please let it be me. Please let it be me.

Ollie:  (eyes light up)  Oh, it’s me. Thought this handwriting looked familiar.

Riggs:  Drats.

Ollie:  Here’s the last entry: “This is deckhand Oliver Grant–“ Seems I was demoted.

Riggs:  Ha, “dickhand”.

Ollie:  “Deckhand”. It goes on, “Everyone is dead. The King has betrayed his promise to let us go. I’ve managed to wedge myself into this laundry chute to evade capture. Am running out of air. Will rest my eyes for a bit in order to–“ And then it just stops.

Riggs:  Ha, you suffocated to death. What a dickhand.

(Ollie gets up, races down the hall, opens the laundry chute and leaps back at the smell that escapes…)

Riggs:  (follows Ollie down hall, peeks down chute)  Well, it’s not necessarily your skeleton. None of this explains how our future Moxie is in the present day.

Ollie:  I noticed Sgt. Jones’ controls were set to light speed. It’s possible a ship traveling at the speed of light without a pilot could have entered a wormhole and rocketed back to our time.

Riggs:  (stares blankly)  I understand.

Ollie:  You have no idea what I just said, do you?

Riggs:  Science.

~~~

(Back on the SS P.E.A.C.E., the two men are getting out of their spacesuits as Lord Wang, Chi and Lt. Chicken look on expectantly…)

Wang:  Well? Any ghosts?

Riggs:  Oh yeah, loads of spooks. We better steer clear of that ship entirely. Really scary stuff.

Wang:  So you didn’t find the space pirate ghost treasure.

Riggs:  Nope. They probably buried it on an island planet.

Wang:  Very well, we continue on. We must be getting nearer to my sister and the Imperial One.

(Lord Wang and Chi retire to the Lord’s quarters. Capt. Riggs — with Lt. Chicken in his arms — joins Ollie on the bridge as they shuttle away from the future Moxie…)

Ollie:  Now that we know the future, Captain; how can we change it?

Riggs:  (stares ahead intensely)  In order to change the future, Ollie; we must change the past. And the present. I dunno, time travel’s hard.  (bops Ollie on head)  Dickhand.

Chicken:  Ba-gock!

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  1. Jaclyn said, on 05/14/2017 at 4:25 am

    to me when i had my first job 20 years ago and he wanted me to take a day, a day, off and go to a baseball playoff game..he said… if you get hit by a bus they will find someone else to do your job, you’re not that imanhtpot…re is right… we can and should delegate one of our staff to do our job, follow up for us, be available for us.. if we can’t let the best of our team do our job, then what have we been doing mentoring and coaching them…. thanks.. loving your blog..


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