Spaceships! – Episode 112
The Confederate Space Alliance (CSA) crew of the CSS Moxie are on the run from the Imperial Master Force (IMF) through the deep recesses of space…
Episode 112 – Retribution, Pt. 2
(Lord Wang, his adviser Chi and Capt. Bob Riggs have their hands up as the crew of the CSS Moxie have guns trained on them after landing in the hangar bay…)
Gary: Captain, step away from Lord Wang. You’re on our side, remember?
Riggs: Well that’s the thing, Grace. Mr. Wang here has been making some salient points. He wants to take down the Imperial Master Force just like us.
Wang: I believe you may be misquoting me just a bit there, Captain.
Gary: Robert, he wants to take down his sister the Queen so he can become King.
Riggs: Well…lesser of two evils.
Cole: I don’t think that’s true either, Captain.
Gary: Just get over here so we can talk this over.
Wang: Ms. Lieutenant, I’d like very much for all of us to have a frank discussion on the matter. Perhaps in your parlor?
Gary: We don’t have a parlor.
Riggs: Aw, I want ice cream!
Gary: Ray, Cliff and Tony: You stay here and watch them. The rest of us are going upstairs to discuss all this.
Riggs: Will there be ice cream?
Wang: You know, I’ve got some ice cream on my ship, Captain.
(Capt. Riggs instinctively turns on his heels; but Lt. Gary grabs him by the arm and drags him upstairs…)
(Chef Ray Kwong has his twin space glocks trained on Lord Wang, who’s smiling and leaning against his ship…)
Wang: You know we’re not all that different, you and me.
Kwong: I’m a chef on a rebel supply ship. You’re one in a long line of aristocracy that has controlled the known universe for millennia.
Wang: (ponders, grins) Oh yeah. I guess we are pretty different. (shrugs)
Kwong: What do you want with our Captain, anyway?
Wang: Why, to raise an army and take down my sister the Queen, of course.
Kwong: You realize they only put him in charge of this supply ship because all the other Captains in the rebel army refused such a lowly post. He’s never led an army in his life.
Wang: Well I believe that’s just because he hasn’t yet been given the opportunity. You people don’t respect him enough.
Kwong: He doesn’t even know where the bathroom is. He uses an upstairs janitor’s closet. Calls it the “Captain’s Washroom”. (shakes head) Poor Miguel.
Wang: As far as I’m concerned, this whole ship looks like a bathroom. I honestly can’t believe you people thought you could go to war with the entire armed forces of the IMF in this rinky-dink bathtub of a ship.
Kwong: Well…our kitchen is state of the art!
(On the other side of Lord Wang’s IMF supply ship, Cliff Tuggs is kicking the tires with a gun trained on Chi…)
Tuggs: Pretty nice rig you got here.
Chi: (nods) It’s alright. Just wish we had a pilot. Can the Captain fly a ship?
Tuggs: (flashes back to Captain’s “joy ride” couple weeks earlier)
(The entire crew is on the ceiling of an upside-down Moxie…)
Riggs: Whoooo! Loop-de-loop!
Tuggs: (smiles) He knows some maneuvers.
Chi: My Lord seems to think your Captain comes highly regarded as a leader of men.
Tuggs: (flashes back to upstairs janitor’s closet weeks earlier)
(Pilots Tuggs and Cole, chef Kwong and Capt. Riggs are crammed into the small closet…)
Tuggs: Captain, how’d you manage to get us all locked in this broom closet?
Riggs: (frowns at Cliff) I thought you were leading this scavenger hunt.
Tuggs: What scavenger hunt?
Cole: Why’s it smell like dookie in here?
Tuggs: (smiling at Chi) He’s the best Captain we’ve got.
Chi: Isn’t he…the only Captain you’ve got?
Tuggs: (grins) Yeah.
(Inspector Hunter Decquely enters the galley to get Chi and Lord Wang something to eat when he hears a rummaging coming from the walk-in freezer. He enters to find fighter pilot Tony Cole boxing up pounds of crack rock in front of a long table covered by a tarp…)
Decquely: What is all this? What’s going on here?
Cole: (head shoots up, steps in front of clear plastic boxes) Oh hey, Decquely. Ray wanted me to box up some of this, uh…fudge.
Decquely: Fudge? That’s the best you can do?
Cole: White chocolate fudge?
Decquely: (shaking his head) Ray said he was done with the drug game. You made that kid lie to me?
Cole: First of all, Inspector: We’re not gonna be selling on the ship anymore. You’ve got my word on that. Our attorney, Hawk LeMont, figured out a way to take orders and ship the rocks back to the Imperial One using the emergency line. We’re selling to the IMF!
Decquely: Your attorney?
Cole: Every good drug kingpin needs an attorney to keep ’em out of trouble. But you’re missing the most important part, Decquely. We’re sellin’ to the enemy. We get all those IMF soldiers addicted and they’ll be easier to take down.
Decquely: Yeah. And in the meantime, a whole helluva lot more dangerous. I can’t be a party to this. I’ve gotta tell Lt. Gary.
(Hunter turns to leave and Tony jumps in front of him, blocking the freezer door…)
Cole: The Lieutenant’s got this whole Lord Wang thing to worry about right now. Why don’t we keep the drugs between us for the time being until this all blows over.
Decquely: Let me go, Tony.
Cole: (eyes narrow) I’m afraid I can’t do that, Inspector.
(Tony kicks the boxes of crack out into the kitchen, shuts the freezer door and locks it…)
Cole: (hollering through door) I’ll let you out when you calm down.
Decquely: (slamming on door) You can’t do this! I’ll catch a cold! I’ll catch a collllllllllld!
(Capt. Riggs and Lt. Gary are discussing Lord Wang on the bridge, while Sgt. Jones pilots the ship and First Mate Ollie Grant looks on…)
Gary: Captain, Lord Wang is a monster. He’s committed countless acts of genocide. He’s wiped out entire planets. Men, women, children.
Riggs: I dunno, Grace. I think I could do great things with these guys.
Gary: Like kill children?
Riggs: Well, maybe they’re evil children.
Jones: Ooh, I hate evil children.
Grant: I just want to let you know, Captain. Whatever your decision, I’m behind you 100%.
Riggs: (frowns) Who are you again?
Grant: I’m Ollie Grant? Your First Mate?
Riggs: (chuckles, pats Ollie on back) Ollie, you are literally the worst. Grace, Lord Wang is talking about taking down the Queen. The Queen! How long have we been trying to do that?
Gary: Literally zero seconds; because she just took over. Robert, don’t you understand that once the Queen is gone, Lord Wang is going to fill that vacuum of power and proclaim himself King. I mean, you thought his father was evil…
Riggs: Well, we’ll deal with that bridge when we get to it.
Gary: But you’re helping build the bridge!
Riggs: What are we talking about again? Space Bridge?
Gary: (sighs) Captain.
Riggs: Grace, for the first time I feel needed. Lord Wang believes I can do great things. You’ve never believed that.
Gary: Captain, he’s just using you.
Riggs: Do you believe I can do great things, Lieutenant?
Gary: Yes. I think you can do great things. We’re a family here, Captain. We’re the Confederate Space Alliance and everybody plays a part.
Riggs: Fine, I’ll stay.
Gary: You’ve just got to belie–wait, really? It was that easy?
Riggs: Yeah, sure. Why not? Besides, his ship’s way smaller than ours.
Gary: Alright, let’s go tell Lord Wang you respectfully turn down his offer and hope he leaves peacefully.
Riggs: Tyrone, do a quick loop-de-loop before we go.
Jones: No more loop-de-loops!
(Back in the hangar bay, Capt. Riggs is on a loading ladder explaining the situation to Lord Wang who is standing inside the IMF supply ship’s cockpit as Chi readies for takeoff…)
Wang: I really wish you would reconsider, Captain.
Riggs: Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Wang. But I figure I better stay with the horse who got me here.
Wang: A lovely sentiment.
(Lord Wang holds out his hand and Riggs shakes it. Lord Wang grips tight, pulls out a laser pistol and points it at the Captain’s head…)
Wang: But I’m afraid I cannot take no for an answer. Men and women of the CSA, I am taking your leader.
Tuggs: Prepare your lasers, men!
Wang: Let us leave this ship unabated or I will waste your Captain in front of all of you.
Tuggs: (pointing a rifle at Lord Wang) Worth the risk, take the shot!
Wang: (cocks laser pistol)
Gary: No! Weapons down! Weapons down!
(The crew of the Moxie lower their weapons and Lord Wang pulls Captain Riggs into the ship. First Mate Ollie Grant rushes into the ship after him…)
Grant: I won’t leave you behind, Captain. (tucks himself into small box in back of IMF ship)
Riggs: Good man, Ollie. I always liked that guy.
Gary: I’m sorry, Captain. We’ll get you back, though; I promise.
Riggs: It’s alright, Grace. I just have one more extremely important thing I’ve got to say. (turns to Lord Wang) May I?
Riggs: (turns to crew, puffs out chest, inhales deeply) Nobody touch my stuffs!
(With that, the hatch shuts and the IMF supply ship takes off into the stars as the crew of the CSS Moxie looks on…)
Tuggs: (turns to chef Kwong) Welp. What’s for dinner, Ray?
Kwong: I was thinking scallops.
Cole: Ooh, potatoes! That’s my jawn.
(The crew drifts toward the galley…)
Kwong: No, scallops.
Cole: Yeah. Potatoes.
Kwong: No, scallops. It’s like a fish?
Cole: Potato fish?