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Spaceships! – Episode 104

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 05/18/2012

The Confederate Space Alliance crew of the CSS Moxie are on the run from the Imperial Master Force through the deep recesses of space…

Episode 104 – Retribution

(On the CSS Moxie, Lt. Grace Gary is standing at the door to Capt. Bob Riggs’ private quarters…)

Riggs:  (laying in bed, pillow on face)  Aw, I don’t wanna go to work today!

Gary:  Captain, we’ve got some ships on our tail. I’m afraid it might be more IMF fighter jets in pursuit.

Riggs:  (rolls over)  Just send Tuggs and Cole after them.

Gary:  It looks like five to six ships, Captain. A little more than we can handle with our two jets.

Riggs:  (eyes shut)  Just send Tuggs and Cole after–  (voice trails off)

Gary:  (pushes Capt. Riggs out of bed to the floor)  Bob! Wake up!

Riggs:  (faced0wn on floor)  I hate being Captain.

~~~

(In the galley, Capt. Riggs is joined by First Mate Ollie Grant as he rummages for breakfast…)

Riggs:  There’s gotta be some bacon in here somewhere. Doesn’t Kwong have a cow hiding on this ship? I know I’ve heard mooing.

Grant:  Bacon comes from pigs, sir.

Riggs:  (scowling, hand in box of Space Cheerios)  I know that, Ollie. I’m not an idiot. I was just thinking of two things at once. You don’t have to be such a dick about everything all the time.

Grant:  Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Kwong:  (bursts out of the freezer with twin space glocks in hand)  Put down the cereal, motherfucker!

(Capt. Riggs drops the box, raises his hands and cereal scatters all over the floor…)

Kwong:  Oh, Captain! I’m so sorry. I heard the report of IMF ships in pursuit and thought they boarded the Moxie.

Riggs:  And went right for the cereal.

Kwong:  Well, I dunno. Might get hungry out there in the cold empty void of space.

Riggs:  Why do you even have guns on a spaceship? You could blow a hole in the side and kill us all.

Kwong:  I don’t know about that. The galley’s a pretty centralized location. I think we’d be okay.

Grant:  Sir? The IMF ships?

Riggs:  Unfortunately, Ollie’s right. I don’t have time to sit here and argue about the dangerousness of gunfire on a heavily-oxygenated pressure-compacted iron-steel deathtrap. I’ve got a ship to save.  (grabs box)  And I’m bringing the Space Cheerios. Although, if you can get the Space Honey Nut Cheerios; I really prefer those.

Kwong:  Right. Next store we stop at, I’ll keep that in mind.

Riggs:  Grea–hey!

~~~

(On the hangar bay, ship mechanic Otis is helping pilot Cliff Tuggs into the lone remaining PL-0900 fighter jet…)

Otis:  What are you doing with that box of Space Honey Nut Cheerios?

Tuggs:  Might get hungry out in the cold empty void of space, O.

Otis:  Now remember, Lt. Gary just said to scout their positions. She didn’t say nothin’ about firing on those scumbags.  (hic)

Tuggs:  Yeah, yeah. I heard ya.  (munches Cheerios)

(Otis steps down to watch as Tuggs pilots the PL-0900 out of the back of the hangar bay. He’s soon joined by Capt. Riggs…)

Riggs:  Otis, I need you to warm up the PL-0900 pronto. We’ve got the IMF on our tail!

Otis:  Lt. Gary just sent Tuggs out there to scout their position.

Riggs:  Oh…well…good, then.

(The Captain and the ship drunk stand there awkwardly in silence for a moment…)

Riggs:  Say, you don’t know where Kwong hides that cow of his, do you?

Otis:  Ah. In the mood for some bacon, eh?

~~~

Gary:  I’m not sure this is a great idea.

(Hunter Decquely has escorted prisoner IMF pilot Faried Turner to the bridge…)

Decquely:  He’s former IMF. He can give us some insight into these enemy ships.

Gary:  Capt. Riggs doesn’t trust him.

Turner:  (stares at console)  Those aren’t IMF.

Gary:  What.

Turner:  The ships. They all have different identification codes. If they were IMF, they’d all have similar codes.  (looks up at Decquely and Lt. Gary)  I think you’ve got some bounty hunters on your tail.

Decquely:  (points at screen)  What’s that one dot speeding toward us?

Gary:  That’s Tuggs.  (grabs radio)  Tuggs, what’s your twenty?

Tuggs:  They shot at me and I spilled my Cheerios and I’m scared and I’m coming back to ship!

Riggs:  (rushes onto bridge, grabs radio)  Were they Honey Nut Cheerios, you sonuvabitch??

~~~

(Cliff Tuggs lands the PL-0900 in the hangar bay and runs to the pilots’ locker room, bawling. A gaunt Tony Cole struggles into the jet and Otis helps buckle him in…)

Cole:  (eyes drooping)  My shift. Time to bust some bounty hunter ass.

Otis:  Tony, you look like hell. You sure you should be flying?

Cole:  I’m good, O. Just fasting for Space Kwanzaa.

Otis:  (hic)  It’s Space Kwanzaa already? I didn’t even get you anything.

~~~

(Back in the galley, Capt. Riggs is grumpily rooting through cabinets…)

Riggs:  Can’t believe that jerk Tuggs took the last of the Space Honey Nut Cheerios. Now we got bounty hunters on our ass. Could this day get any worse?

Gary:  We should really get back to the bridge, Captain.

(A banging is heard and Chef Kwong glances at the open fridge door…)

Kwong:  Sgt. Jones, is that my cooking sherry?

Jones:  (shakes head)  Space cooking sherry.

Kwong:  Who’s flying the ship?

Jones:  (chugs cooking sherry)  It’s on auto-pilot.

Gary:  Tyrone, this ship doesn’t have auto-pilot.

Jones:  Does it have space auto-pilot?

Gary:  …no.

Jones:  (tucks sherry bottle under arm, sprints to bridge)

Riggs:  (chuckles)  Jones, you yo-yo!

(First Mate Ollie Grant pokes his head into the galley…)

Grant:  Sir, we’ve got a problem. Cole just passed out in the PL-0900 and it’s drifting toward the bounty hunters.

Riggs:  (throws his hands up)  What next? He’s got all the Space Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with him?

~~~

(Back on the bridge…)

Gary:  I thought you didn’t trust this guy, Robert.

Riggs:  I am a man of many multitudes, Grace. Now let’s hear him out.

Turner:  It’s simple. I get in the NG-4000, fly out to the bounty hunters and tell them Lord Wang has called off the bounty and escort Cole’s jet back to the ship. They’ll believe me when they see I’m in an IMF jet.

Gary:  How do we know you won’t just run away?

Turner:  Guess you’re just gonna have to trust me. Let me prove myself to you, Lieutenant.

Riggs:  (frowns)

Turner:  …and Captain.

Riggs:  (nods)

Gary:  (sighs)  I guess it’s our only option at this point. Go get us our jet back.

Riggs:  (pulls Turner close)  And you make sure not one Space Honey Nut Cheerio is harmed.

~~~

(The crew of the CSS Moxie applaud as Turner’s NG-4000 escorts Cole’s PL-0900 back into the hangar bay, safe and sound…)

Gary:  (shakes Turner’s hand as he exits his jet)  Well done, Turner.  (turns to Decquely)  Take him back to lockup, Inspector.

Turner:  What? I just saved your guy and got rid of those bounty hunters.

Gary:  And we appreciate that. You passed the first test. Now back to lockup with you. Shoo!

(Otis and Tuggs help a still-unconscious Tony Cole out of his jet and Riggs climbs up and shoves them out of the way, forcing his head into the cockpit…)

Riggs:  My God, what a mess. Ollie! I’m gonna need a bowl, a spoon and some space milk. Find that damn cow Kwong is hiding from us.  (eyes narrow)  We’ve got a long night ahead of us.

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