Totally Radical Sportz!

Slaves – Episode 110

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 07/19/2011

White slave James Cooper and black slave Michael Booker have escaped from their Mississippi plantation in order to reunite Michael with his eleven-year-old daughter Mae in Philadelphia..

Episode 110 – Up In Flames

Acorn:  Hwaaarrf!

(James reels back as Eloise vomits on the floor of their small cell at Ft. Haggerty..)

Cooper:  Whoa, what did you eat? That Underground Railroad train didn’t have any snacks. Believe me, I checked.

Acorn:  (holding her stomach, leans against the back wall)  Ugh, I dunno. I just don’t feel well.

Booker:  Maybe we should get you a doctor.

Acorn:  No, really. I’m fine.

(Michael knocks on the cell door and a hatch reveals a pair of Confederate soldier’s eyes..)

Booker:  This woman is sick. She needs a doctor.

Soldier:  Doc’s busy with the war-wounded. He’ll get to her if he has time.

Booker:  Get Stonewall Jackson in here, I wanna speak to your supervisor.

Soldier:  The General’s a little preoccupied at the moment. There’s a war on, y’know.

Cooper:  Can we at least get moved to a different cell? This one smells like throw up now.

Soldier:  This is the only cell we got. Enough with the questions.  (shuts hatch)

Cooper:  Well, he was rude.

Acorn:  Hwaaaaaaarrrrff!


(Hannibal is peering at the Confederate fort from a hill a mile away with binoculars..)

Curry:  Have you thought of a plan to rescue our bounty, boss?

Hannibal:  I’m thinkin’, Kid. I’m thinkin’.

Curry:  We could enter posing as Confederate soldiers from another plantation.

Hannibal:  Lotta Confederates in Bombay, Curry?

Curry:  We could throw a rope over the wall and rappel down.

Hannibal:  Not feeling particularly stealthy today.

Curry:  We could dress up like a horse.

Hannibal:  Tried it.

Curry:  Call in a bomb threat?

Hannibal:  Didn’t pack a telegraph.

Curry:  I give up. What do you have in mind?

Hannibal:  (grins, turns to his Indian sidekick)  We’re gonna burn that bitch to the ground.


Cooper:  She’s pregnant.

Acorn:  I’m not pregnant.

Booker:  Just ’cause she threw up doesn’t mean she’s pregnant, Jim.

Cooper:  That’s all Carrie was doing before she had her baby. Faintin’ and hurlin’ like it was going out of style.

Acorn:  I’m not pregnant, James. I’m not even married.

Cooper:  When’s the last time you were intimate?  (leans forward, whispers in Eloise’s ear)  Sexually.

Booker:  Cooper! You way out of line, boy.

Acorn:  It’s fine, Michael. And it’s been a while, James.

Cooper:  (slaps his forehead)  Oh my God, it’s Mr. Dukesbury’s baby!

Acorn:  Excuse me?

Cooper:  Mr. Dukesbury had his way with you and impregnated you with his seed! That monster, I’ll kill him! He got you in the hot tub, didn’t he? And after Carrie pooped out her baby in there. That sick sonuva–

Acorn:  Mr. Dukesbury didn’t touch me. If you must know, there was a guy a few months ago; a local boy from the town. He was going away to war and we’d been fond of each other for a while.

Cooper:  What’s his name? Tom? I hate Toms.

Acorn:  Dexter. Dexter Edwards. We spent one passionate night together; and then he went off to fight and I never saw him again.

Cooper:  That’s a sad story.

Booker:  That’s a beautiful story. Two people found each other. Even if it was just for a moment, you got to experience something a lot of folks never get to.

Cooper:  Sex?

Booker:  Love.

Acorn:  (smiling)  Yeah, I guess so.

Cooper:  And now you’re puking all over a Confederate prison cell. Like a Wordsworth poem.

Acorn:  Alright, enough with the sappy shit. How are we breaking out of this fort?

Cooper:  You could just throw up on everybody.

Acorn:  Shut up, James.


Hannibal:  Gather as much timber as you can, Kid.

Curry:  A man can only carry so much timber, boss.

Hannibal:  Who said that? Twain?

(Hannibal and Kid Curry are in the woods to the south of Ft. Haggerty, rummaging for wood to start the fire that will break the slaves free..)

Hannibal:  I figure we get a good base fire going near the back wall of the fort and that thing will go up like a…burning thing.

Curry:  When I was but a boy in Majahamaleeting, a fire spread through my village leveling everything in sight. This is how I came to be an orphan.

Hannibal:  So you have experience. Good.


Cooper:  Why can’t we just tell the guard that she’s pregnant. They’re not gonna hold a pregnant woman prisoner. That’s inhumane and stuff.

Acorn:  Because James, I don’t want people knowing I’m pregnant. Besides, we’re not even sure if I am or not.

Cooper:  Eloise. I didn’t wanna say this earlier, but you have been looking a little bloated lately.

(Eloise sends a fist hurtling toward James’ face..)


Hannibal:  Just hold your hands still.

Curry:  I’m doing it.

Hannibal:  Block the wind!

Curry:  I’m doing it!

Hannibal:  Aw, there goes another one.

(Hannibal discards the twelfth match into a pile to the left of the unlit timber. The bounty hunters are crouched at the back of Ft. Haggerty..)

Curry:  And what shall we do once the Fort is inflamed?

Hannibal:  (lights another match)  We just wait in the bushes until they come running out.

Curry:  And what if they perish in the fire?

Hannibal:  Shit, Kid. Then we go find two other escaped slaves and bring ’em back to Magnolia. These slave owners can’t tell the difference.

Curry:  Then why did we travel all the way here when we could just as easily have found two other slaves and collected our bounty by now?

Hannibal:  Because I wanna burn shit!


Booker:  (knocking on the cell door)  Guard. Guard! We got a sick man here.

Cooper:  (whispering from the corner of the cell)  This isn’t gonna work!

Booker:  It is so! Now, shush!

Acorn:  Do you guys smell that?

Booker:  (knocks again)  Guard, we got a sick man.

Cooper:  I don’t smell anything.

Acorn:  They say your sense of smell is heightened when you’re pregnant.

Booker:  Guard, you there?

Cooper:  Oh, so now you are pregnant again? How convenient.

Acorn:  Smells like smoke.

Cooper:  All I smell is gross pregnant puke.

Booker:  Guard must be on break.

Acorn:  Yeah. I definitely smell smoke, you guys.

Cooper:  Pukenancy? Preggo-up?

Acorn:  Uh, guys?

Cooper:  Momit!

Booker:  That ain’t good.

(A plume of smoke creeps under the crack in the cell door and starts filling the room..)

Cooper:  Oh, I smell it now.

Tagged with: , , , ,

Comments Off on Slaves – Episode 110

%d bloggers like this: