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George Washington: Time Traveler – Episode 1.01

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 08/23/2010

Episode 101 – “The Cuban”

In the future, General George Washington – our first and most badass President – has been brought back to life using cloned DNA preserved from his wooden dentures. Now he must travel back to the past (with the help of his trusty midget sidekick, James Madison) to stop the New World Order from coming to fruition..


(A swirling blue portal opens in the sky above the Caribbean Sea and two men – one far smaller than the other – splash into the water about a mile’s swim from land. Former President James Madison thrashes his little legs around as Gen. George Washington bobs up for air..)

Madison: Way to time travel, numbnuts!

(Washington, pushing his soggy powdered wig out of his eyes, holds up a small cellphone-shaped device..)

Washington: The XE-47 Interocetor© is an inexact science. But it’s still the best damn time travel/teleportation device our world has to offer.

(James Madison starts paddling for shore..)

Madison: Tell that to my soaked pantaloons.


(A half-hour’s swim later, the two men are drying off on a sandy, tropical beach..)

Madison: What are we doin’ on this rock anyway?

Washington: This rock is a key in the coming ascension to the New World Order by the nefarious men we have been sent to stop. We must meet a man here and speak with him. He is the only one who can right the wrongs which have already taken place.

Madison: In the future.

Washington: Correct.

Madison: But this is the past.

Washington: Yes.

Madison: Which is really the present.

Washington: To some.

Madison: (frowns, scratching his tiny noggin)  Time travel’s hard.

Washington: We must move quickly if we want to contact our target by sundown.

Madison: This target got a name?

(George Washington squints off into the midday sun..)

Washington: Fidel.


(At the Presidential Palace in Havana, former President Fidel Castro is being wheeled around on the back lawn by his top adviser, Santos..)

Santos: The ships are all in place, el Jefe. The first one departs at sunrise tomorrow so we should act on the plan as soon as possible.

Castro: (nods slowly)  We will execute the plan at sundown, Santos. For now, wheel me over to that squirrel.


(George & James are trudging through the Cuban jungle, toward Havana; the General has to take it a little slower than his normal gait so Madison’s little legs can keep up..)

Madison: So what’s the plan? You need me to bust some heads?

Washington: No. I believe we’ll just speak with Fidel and we’ll get this all straightened out.

Madison: Still feel like I should’ve packed a glock.


(A ways away, a swirling red portal opens in a jungle clearing and a tall man in a stovepipe hat and a thick beard drops to the ground, jumps to his feet and scurries off into the thick canopy..)


(Hours later, George Washington and James Madison have arrived at the front gate of the Presidential Palace..)

Madison: (glancing at the heavily-armed guards)  See what I was sayin’ about the glock? How are we gonna get past these fools?

Washington: I’ve got a plan.

(Gen. Washington approaches one of the guards..)

Washington: Excuse me, good sir. We have an appointment to see Fidel.

(The guard motions his partner over..)

Pancho: What do you think, Paco?

Paco: I don’t know, Pancho. He did know him by his first name.

Pancho: That’s a good point. Right this way, señors.

(George raises an eyebrow to Madison as they enter the palace..)

Madison: (shrugs)  Glock would’ve been quicker.


(Across the street, on the roof of the tallest skyscraper in Havana – five stories – the stovepiped gentleman is assembling a Z/R 9500 automatic assault rifle of Russian import, eyeing the Palace menacingly..)


(Santos wheels President Castro into the Main Hall where he shakes hands with Washington and Madison..)

Madison: (snaps his fingers)  Oh, that Fidel.

Castro: Can I help you…oddly-dressed gentlemen?

Washington: We are here to speak with you about what you plan to do at sundown this evening, Mr. President.

Castro: (glares at the First President)  Santos. Leave the room.

Santos: But, sir–

Castro: Leave us!

(Santos exits the Hall quickly and Castro wheels himself closer to George..)

Castro: What do you know of my evening plans?

Washington: I know you have a dozen oil tankers of various countries of origin docked right now, surrounding your entire shoreline and rigged with explosives.

Castro: (nods, impressed)

Washington: I know you plan to set off these explosives at sundown tonight which will leave a ring of oil surrounding Cuba. I also know you plan to set this ring of oil ablaze shortly after the explosions, leaving a wall of fire surrounding your island nation for months. Nothing will get in and nothing will get out.

Castro: (strokes his mustache)

Washington: I know that you are doing all this to protect yourself from the coming global takeover by the New World Order; which means you know some of the players involved.

Castro: (eyes darting)  I have no idea what you’re talking about. Cigar?

Madison: (nods gleefully)  Gimme one-a ‘dem.

(Madison lights the cigar – as big as his forearm – and takes a strong drag before collapsing into a cloud of coughs..)

Washington: (grins wryly)  You’re lying, Fidel. You know more than you’re letting on.

Castro: (crosses his arms)  I am not.

Washington: Just give us one name. One person who’s involved and we’ll be on our way.

Castro: (sighs)  Fine. But let’s go out into my tobacco garden. This palace has been bugged for decades.

(Washington heads toward the door and, glancing behind him, motions toward Madison..)

Washington: James, wheel the President out into the garden.

Madison: You got it, boss.

(Without being able to see over the top of the chair, James Madison proceeds to push Fidel Castro directly into the wall.)


(On the roof of the building across the street, the be-stovepiped gentleman watches Presidents Washington, Madison and Castro as they make their way into the tobacco garden. He smiles and cocks his Z/R rifle..)

Be-Stovepiped Gentleman: (slight lisp)  Hasta luego, girlfriend.


(In the tobacco garden below, Fidel Castro is revealing to Gen. Washington one of the persons involved in the New World Order plot..)

Castro: Go to the island of Haiti. I have a good raft down by the docks you can use; although you’ll have to move quickly if you want to get out past the ships before we ignite them into our Wall of Fire.

Madison: Ooh, Wall of Fire. That’d be a good album title.

Washington: Just give us the name and we’ll be on our way.

Castro: The name of the man of whom you seek on the island of Haiti who may be involved in the plot to topple the world governments and create a New World Order which will forever change–

Madison: (jumps up and down, waggling his wrists)  C’mon, c’mon! Out with it, old man!

Castro: (glares at James Madison)  The name of the man is–

(A shot rings out and Washington and Madison hit the deck. Two more shots ring out and Madison does a military crawl into the tobacoo bushes..)

Madison: What did I say about the glock!

(Gen. Washington rolls over onto his back and whips out a small Nineteenth-Century handheld telescope..)

Washington: The shots are coming from the southwest!

Madison: (curls into the fetal position)  I wanna go back to the future! Waaah!

(George Washington sets his telescope on the roof of the five-story building just as a stovepipe hat vanishes out of sight. He sets the telescope down, rises to his feet and glowers at the roof where the assassin once stood..)

Washington: (gritting his teeth)  Lincoln.


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