Blanket vs. Slanket: Point-Counterpoint
The following is the first in a series of debates, moderated by the Ghost of Tim Russert, between a blanket and a Slanket on the top stories of the day..
Today: The Economic Stimulus..
Russert: Good evening. I’m the Ghost of Tim Russert. Boo! Spooked ya! Tonight Blanket & Slanket will be debating the Economic Stimulus. Blanket, you have the floor.
Blanket: Thank you, Mr. Russert’s ghost.
As a blanket, I face a number of day-to-day challenges; from the embarrassing inadequacy of not being thick enough to provide proper comfort and warmth for my owner to the frightening prospect of becoming ratty and getting thrown out. I rarely have time to keep up to date on the news of the day. But this Economic Stimulus has got my thread count fuming.
To invest nearly a trillion dollars in businesses that have proven to fail is asinine. These companies had all the means in the world and went under. What makes Mr. Obama think a few zeroes will correct things.
Slanket: First of all, he is your President and you will address him as such!
Blanket: Can I finish?
Russert: Please let the blanket finish, Slanket.
Blanket: Thank you, Ghost of Russert. Giving money to failing businesses is silly. You might as well be flushing money down the toilet. We have to bail out Mexico every couple of years, which is bad enough. To throw cash at our own failed industries isn’t going to correct the mistakes inherent in a democratic economy. The Economic Stimulus is doomed to fail and bring us deeper into another Great Depression. America, as we know it, is over.
Slanket: Rebuttal! Rebuttal!
Russert: Slanket, you’re counterpoint?
Slanket: Thank you, moderator Tim Russert’s Ghost. As a Slanket, I’m a forward thinker. For you see, I’m a blanket with sleeves. I think outside the box. And I think the Economic Stimulus was a godsend. President Barack Obama is saving us from the turmoil that former President Bush has mired us in.
Blanket: Pork Barrel Politics!
Russert: Blanket, please let Slanket finish.
Slanket: The stimulus has already created 640,000 new jobs and the number keeps rising every day. The gross domestic product is on the rise and the economy is turning around. President Obama has rescued this great country from one of the biggest financial pitfalls it has ever seen. We will persevere because of strong leadership and intelligent fiscal responsibility.
Russert: Blanket, do you have any last words in response?
Blanket: Aw, what do you know; you’re just a fucking Slanket..