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El Hombres!

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 11/10/2009

Pico & Miguel

Episode 2 – “The King”

(Pico & Miguel are walking to the local Home Depot early Wednesday morning..)

Pico: Another day, another peso.

Miguel: (rolls his eyes)  Good one, Pico.

Pico: What’s got your chalupa in a knot, Miguel?

Miguel: I dunno. I’m just not sure how much more of this landscaping I can take. We just stand here outside the Home Depot and hope somebody shows up.

Pico: Yeah, but sometimes we meet famous people. Eet’s fun!

Miguel: I’m just tired of the same old grind.

Pico: Remember that MTV show? The Grind?

(A 1969 Cadillac pulls up and the window rolls down..)

King: You two, come with me.

Mr. King

Pico: Elveese!


Miguel: Elvis is dead, you idiot.


King: (smirks)  I get that all the time. The name’s King. Edgar King.

Pico: (whispering excitedly)  Keeng! He’s The Keeng!

Miguel: Shush. This is a great car, Mr. King.

King: Thankyaverymuch.

Pico: (gasps)


(Edgar King’s Cadillac pulls up outside his West Hollywood estate..)

Purple House

King: Here we are, fellas. I was thinkin’ we could just trim these hedges a little. Make it all pretty-like.

Pico: Sure thing, The Keeng!  (excitedly runs with hedge-trimmers)


Miguel: Sorry about Pico, Mr. King. He actually thinks you’re Elvis Presley.

King: Hehe, he’s a good kid.  (does that Elvis double-point thing)  I’m gonna get y’all some lemonade!

Miguel: Thanks, Mr. King!  (shoves Pico)  Will ya cut it out with the Elvis stuff? Elvis is dead!

Pico: Fuck joo. That’s Elveese.

Miguel: First of all, fuck you. And second of all, no.

King: Y’all like the house?

Miguel: (feigning excitement)  Yeah! Sure is…purple.

Pico: (rubbing the outer wall)  Is this velveet?

King: (nodding)  Crushed. Lemonade?


Pico: Thanks Elv-er, Edgar.

El Lemones

King: (smiles)  Where you boys from anyway, Mexico?

Miguel: El Salvador.

King: Yeah, I did some shows down Old Mexico Way, back in the day.

Pico: (grinning at Miguel)  Shows? Like concerts?

King: Car shows. I’m a collector. That Cadillac we came here in is my pride & joy.

Miguel: She’s a beaut.

Pico: You have any pets, Mr. Keeng? A hounddog, perhaps?


King: Nope, no animals. I’m allergic.

Mr. King

Miguel: (glares at Pico)


Pico: Those are nice shoes. Are they suede?

King: They’re Reeboks.

Miguel: (elbows Pico hard in the ribs)

Pico: Do you wear sunglasses at night?

King: (chuckles)  How could I see?

Miguel: That’s Corey Hart, you moron! Mr. Presl–King, I apologize for my friend. He fought in the Civil War for many years, took a couple mortars to the head.

King: You boys are alright. You wanna hear a secret?

Pico: (jumping up & down, clapping hands)  Si! Si!

King: I am Elvis Presley!

Mr. King

Pico: (hits Miguel hard in the back of the head)  I knew eet!

Miguel: Ow! What?

King: Yeah! I’m Elvis! And I’m from space!

Pico: (dialing phone)  I’m gonna call Rossana–wait, what?

King: I’m a space alien! Why do you think I was such a great singer? My vocal cords are far more developed than the average human’s.

Miguel: Oh….kay.

King: The Bermuda Triangle? That was me.

Pico: (hangs up phone)

Miguel: I don’t know what that means.

King: Do you wanna see my spaceship?

Pico: If he pulls out his deeck, I’m out of here.


Miguel: Listen, Mr. King–

King: Elvis. Call me Elvis!

Miguel: Right. Um, we’ve actually got another job on the other side of town, so we should probably get going.

King: Do you wanna hear my new song?

Miguel: Absolutely. But we really should be go–

King: ♫ Oh, the Space Bear is on the seventh moon of Marrrrrrs! ♫

Pico: (whispering)  Let’s get out of here!

King: ♫ And the Wars of the Avalon Spirits are in the starrrrrs! ♫

(Pico & Miguel shuffle off the lawn and down the street towards the nearest bus stop..)

King: Dang! I didn’t even get to the chorus!  (eats deep-fried banana peanut butter sandwich)

Hungry Alien Elvis


(Thursday morning, Pico & Miguel are standing outside Home Depot, ready for another day of work..)

Pico: What if that really was Elvis yesterday, Miguel?

Miguel: He did have a pretty good voice.. But no, he’s dead. It’s impossible.

Pico: (quietly singing)  ♫ Space Bear’s on the hemisphere of Marrrs.. ♫

Miguel: (quietly joining in)  ♫ And wars and spirits and something are in the starrrs.. ♫

Pico & Miguel: (belting it out)  ♫ But you know, girl, that our Space Love will always be ourrrrrrrrrrs! ♫

Alberto: (wanders over)  Joo guys seengeeng dat new Corey Hart song?


The End.

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