Totally Radical Sportz!

El Hombres!

Posted in erbooker by erbooker on 11/04/2009

Pico & Miguel

Episode 1 – “The Angel”

(Pico & Miguel are walking to the local Home Depot early Monday morning..)

Pico: (yawns)  So sleepy.

Miguel: What did you do this weekend, Pico?

Pico: Watched football. Drank cervezas. Had to shoot my keeds’ dog. What did you do?

Miguel: I told you, I got that second job at the Super Walmart. On the loading dock.

Pico: My keeds so sad. They dog is dead.

Miguel: Now my wife wants me to get a third job at night during the week.


Pico: Don’t get a job as a dog-shooter. It make you very sad.


Miguel: Here we are.

Laborers Crossing

Pico: Whose lawn do you think we’ll cut today? Somebody famous?

Miguel: (shrugs)

(A pickup truck squeals to a stop in front of the large group of day laborers..)

Nugent: (pointing to Pico & Miguel and three other men)  You, you and those three! Get the FUCK in my truck!


(Ted Nugent leads the five laborers to the backyard of his Beverly Hills estate..)

Nugent: You Mexicans ever mowed a millionaire’s lawn before?

The Nuge

Pico: (nods)

Miguel: We are Salvadorean.

Nugent: I don’t care if you’re Leonardo Fuckin’ Davincicode! Git to mowin’!

(The other three men begin work as Pico cracks a beer..)

Miguel: Pico, what are you doing?

Pico: Having a cerveza. I am thirsty.

Miguel: You’ll get us fired! I need this job!

Pico: Relax, Miguel. Here, have a drink.  (hands Miguel a beer)

Nugent: (leaps out from behind a bush)  BUSTED!

Beer Hombres

Miguel: Mr. Nugent, it’s not what you think!

Nugent: Well, I think it’s a party. It’s not a party?

Pico: (nods)

Miguel: No!

Nugent: Well, it is now!  (whips out three 40 oz’s)

Pico: Alright!  (cracks open 40)

Nugent: (shoves Miguel)  Chug it, NARC!

Miguel: It’s eight in the morning!

Nugent: NARC!

Pico: NARC!

(Pico & The Nuge keep chanting “NARC!” until Miguel takes a swig, at which point they start chanting “CHUG!”)

Miguel: (chugs, belches)

Pico & Nugent: (cheer)


(An hour later, Pico, Miguel & The Nuge are staring up at the clouds; as the other three laborers work behind them..)

Miguel: (pointing)  That one looks like an angel.

Ooh! An angel!

Pico: I think that is an angel!


Nugent: That ain’t no angel! That’s a white-topped airhawk!

(Nugent vanishes into his house and reappears with a bow & arrow..)

Nugent: Bombs away!

Nuge Bow

Pico: (clapping excitedly, jumping up & down)


Miguel: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Mr. Nugent. This is a crowded neighborhood.

Nugent: Quit yer yappin’, Tall Boy!  (fires arrow)

(The white-tipped airhawk plummets out of the sky and slams into the ground with a thump. The workers gather around it..)

Worker #1: (takes off his cap and does a cross across his chest)

Worker #2: Santa Maria!

Worker #3: Ay dios mio!

Fallen Angel

Nugent: Hoo boy.

Miguel: You shot an angel. From Heaven.

Nugent: (squinting at the dead angel)  That would be one fuckin’ sweet album cover.

Pico: (barfs)

Nugent: Whoa, not on the lawn, Short Pint.

Miguel: We should call someone. A priest or something.

Nugent: (thrusts a finger into Miguel’s face)  You let me handle this, Mexico!

(Minutes later..)

Dumpster Angel

(Back at the Nugent Estate, Pico & The Nuge are enjoying one last beer while Miguel helps the workers clean up..)

Nugent: How’s the beer, Short Pint?

Pico: Ees good.

Nugent: (squinting into the birches near the back of his yard)  What the? Is that..? Bigfoot’s headed for my vegetable garden again! Get my bow, Pico!


Pico: Oh boy! Beegfoot!


(Tuesday morning, Pico & Miguel are walking to Home Depot for another day of work..)

Pico: Do you believe in God, Miguel?

Miguel: Pico, we saw Ted Nugent shoot an angel with a bow and arrow just yesterday!

Pico: Yeah, me neither.


The End.

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